I hear about this concern from both men and women: "It takes her forever to come!"

A well-intentioned male client recently complained to me that despite forty or fifty minutes of hard penile thrusting (ouch!), his wife struggles to reach orgasm. Another friend mentioned that she used to reach orgasm so quickly with her super-hot partner, but lately is taking longer to reach her Niagara Falls-like moment of bliss. Neither of these situations is uncommon.

Lots of women require relaxed, prolonged and varied stimulation to get to the point of no return. And vaginal stimulation is often not enough. Do not be mistaken -- there are also women who reach orgasm in a matter of seconds - some without any genital stimulation at all, and they're the ones wishing their partners would hurry up already. But there seems to be undue pressure on women to reach the heights of ecstasy within a short period of time.

Ladies: whatever your ambitions (faster orgasms, more intense orgasms, multiple orgasms),...

If orgasms are something you enjoy experiencing and would like to experiment with ways to intensify, increase or accelerate sexual response, consider the following:

1. Spend more time on foreplay (vulva kissing, breast caress, erotic massage, sexy talk, etc.) so that you're already at the third stage of sexual response (Plateau) before you engage in the main event (however you choose to define it).

2. Penile-vaginal penetration alone is not usually enough; if you really want to stick with this one activity, consider rubbing your clitoral glans and hood against your partner's pelvic bone as you thrust away. This may be facilitated by closing your legs tightly between your partner's so that you squeeze his shaft against your clitoral glans.

3. Try using your hands to play with the clitoral hood or glans while engaging in other sexual activities (intercourse, oral sex, etc.); you can pull up and down on the hood by manipulating the skin on the pubic mound.

4. Consider playing with...

Here are a few general tips from the Fun With Fellatio session below...

• Change positions often to avoid cramping, vary your angle of contact and alter sensations.
• Alternate between your hands, lips, tongue, nose, chin, chest and anything else you can think of to avoid tiring and jaw aches.
• Use lots of lube. Saliva is great, but a water-based lube can be tasty, long lasting and provide a more slippery, fun surface.
• Pay attention to the scrotum (the sac containing the testicles), perineum, thighs and anus if your partner enjoys this type of stimulation.
• Partners: offer constructive feedback and lots of appreciation to let them know that you love it; if you're uncomfortable expressing how you feel with words, consider facial expressions, gestures and sounds of pleasure.
• Safer oral sex includes the use of condoms. Practice putting it on with your lips and tongue!

The Tease

1. Use your lubricated hands, moist lips, wet tongue and/or lubricated chest to softly caress his entire body,...

This is the workshop for which I received the most thanks from the female attendees. Going down on a woman can be a wonderful source of pleasure for all parties involved and we can all use a few suggestions to improve our repertoire. I list a few tidbits below and welcome your recommendations and feedback.

General Suggestions:

• Communication is of utmost importance for mutual enjoyment. Ask your partner what she likes and welcome her reactions.
• A good partner is eager to offer constructive feedback and show appreciation for her partner's efforts.
• Safer sex practices for cunnilingus involve the use of barrier methods such as dental dams.
• For increased sensation and pleasure, apply a water-based lubricant to both sides of the dental dam.
• Consider pleasuring and teasing her entire body before proceeding to her vulva. 

Grooving:

• Gently run your tongue between the grooves of her outer and inner labia.
• Alternate your breathing patterns to stimulate her...

This post is a continuation from here...

Let's cover a few techniques that can be used during a vulva caress. Rather than simply thrusting your finger(s) into their vagina, consider a range of activities to explore areas that have a far greater capacity for sexual pleasure than the interior vaginal walls. As with all sexual activity, it is ideal to ask for verbal permission to proceed with each new adventure.

The Lip Liner

1. Position yourself comfortably between her legs while she lays on her back.
2. Apply lots of lube to your hands. See Astroglide for tasty lube.
3. Use your lubricated index finger to slowly and gently trace a line from her belly button down against her lips and back to her anus.
4. Start with your left index finger and trace along the side of her left outer labia (lip) and back up to her belly button.
5. Use your right index finger to trace along the side of her right outer labia (lip) and then back up to her belly button.
6. Take your time and repeat brushing against her...

This was by far my favourite session at Desire and I'm happy to share an excerpt from it below. This post just addresses a few vulva caress techniques, but in the workshops we discussed and explored the female body from head to toe with many exciting stops in between.

Let's begin with the Clitoris, which is more than the myth of a "tiny pea-sized bump rich in nerve endings" as it is often described in medical and anatomical texts. It is actually a complex system of over eighteen parts that are similar to the penis. Rebecca Chalker, author of The Clitoral Truth, explains that the penis is actually derived from the female sex organs which undergo change at about eight weeks in utero. Included in this complex system are:

Glans (or head, which is often referred to as the clitoris)

Hood (which covers the glans and may provide indirect pleasurable stimulation of the glans)

Shaft (a cord-like structure beneath the hood that swells during excitement)

Bulbs (erectile tissue similar to...

This post is continued from a previous post here...

As promised, I share a few techniques from my workshop Desire Resort. Bear in mind that the best sex is always subjective and these are just a few ideas to get you started...or keep you coming. Play with these a little, change their names and adapt them to suit what feels best for you.

Possible positions:

Rear View: Kneel over his abdomen with your back toward his face

Director's Chair: Kneel between his legs as he sits upright on a chair

Easy Access: Kneel/lay between his legs as he lays on his back

Try a few of these moves and let me know what you think!

The Licking Hand:

The Licking Hand is a nice way to get started and is really simple:

1. Use a flat, super-lubricated hand to simulate a licking tongue. Consider blindfolding him and using two licking hands to simulate a fun threesome.
2. Gently lick/paint the shaft, balls, head and inner thighs.

The Grand Slam Breakfast: pancakes, syrup and freshly-squeezed OJ:

1. Apply lots of...

As part of my initiation into the field of international sexology, I hosted the first set of human sexuality workshops at Desire Resort and Spa this month and they were a huge success. Participants were mostly couples, but a few singles attended the Hand Job session armed with a handy cucumber for practice. I had planned to provide dildos, but was warned that I may not make it through Mexican customs with 50 silicone penises. Given the red-light, green-light selection process at the Cancun airport Customs desk, I'm glad I was forewarned.

As promised, I share a few techniques from the workshop below. Bear in mind that the best sex is always subjective and these are just a few ideas to get you started...or keep you coming. Play with these a little, change their names and adapt them to suit what feels best for you.

Basic hand job tips:

1. Change positions often to avoid cramping.
2. Use lots and lots of lube. Check out www.GoodVibes.com for a yummy selection of the good stuff.
3. Apply...

Continued from the previous post...

Feel out their responses to understand their mental trigger points and build on them. If your partner loves to hear about sex in exotic/public places, keep changing the scenarios to add variety. Tie in real-life elements (sex in the workplace or in the car) to make it seem attainable and further entrench their interest. And if your fantasies are highly divergent (they like sex in public places and you just love the chill of handcuffs) combine your fantasies to create a new script (sex in the park with the pigeons watching while you’re tied up to the bench). Talking about or envisioning an ultimate scenario, partner, body part or other fantasy object right before climax can enhance your body’s response and intensify your orgasmic experience.

via GIPHY

And don’t worry about stretching the truth a little. In a committed relationship with open communication, telling your partner that you’d love to see...

A mind is a terrible thing to waste – especially when it comes to sex. The brain is not usually what comes to mind when we think about sex organs, but it has the potential to be our most powerful tool for accessing mind-blowing sex.

From a physiological standpoint, the mind controls our sexual response through its interplay with and interpretation of the autonomic nervous system. This system controls involuntary sexual responses and induces relaxation and arousal. But enough about the science of it…

Our minds allow us to fantasize about anything – even the impossible or seemingly unattainable. And fantasies are healthy and normal. A good fantasy can be better than physical sex because we’re in control of every last detail and can force events to play out perfectly to our liking. Unlike physical sex, which can be interrupted by a phone call, kids, parents or the Avon lady calling, fantasy sex occurs within the vacuum of the mind. We choose...