Could Separate Beds Save Your Marriage

jess' articles May 30, 2022

Reports continue to reveal that despite having more time for sleep since the pandemic’s onset, our quality of sleep is suffering. Disruptions to routine, stress, physical inactivity, anxiety and hyper vigilance can all interfere with sleep, but your partner may also be a culprit. Jess joined Gill Deacon to discuss the potential benefits of a "sleep divorce" on CBC's Here and Now. Check out the summary of the interview below.

How common is it for couples to sleep apart?

For Canadians who don’t tend to have a spare East wing, most couples say they’d rather sleep together. And one Ryerson study found that 30-40% of couples sleep separately (but their sample wasn’t representative because they were surveying clinic clients who had sleep issues which might drive you to sleep apart). Other estimates say that it’s just below 25% of couples who opt to sleep apart in North America.

A big part of it depends on location and privilege. If you have money,...

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The Benefits of Being Single

Jess was recently interviewed - about the benefits of being single and why more people are opting to forgo relationships. Check out the notes below.

Based on your experience, how common is it that people in their late 20s/ early-to-mid 30s have never been in a relationship?

It’s common for folks in their 20s and becomes less common into their 30s. However, it’s important to note that folks of all ages may opt-out of relationships. I know some 60-somethings who are perfectly happy living on their own or with a friend. Not everyone desires romance (or sex), and that’s perfectly fine.

It’s also worth noting that many folks who get divorced or lose a partner also prefer to stay single. They have multiple sources of social interaction, support, and intimacy without a romantic partner. We tend to assume that romantic relationships are the most fulfilling, but this isn’t necessarily the case. You can have intimate relationships with friends,...

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Sex Positions for Shorter Penises

jess' articles Jan 17, 2022

I was recently asked about positions for smaller penises and am pleased to share my notes below…

Also, check out our podcast, Does Size Matter? We delve into what the research says about penis size, partner satisfaction and how to enjoy your penis at every size!

Small penises are awesome — especially for penis-in-vagina sex because the clitoris isn’t at the back of the vagina, and the vagina isn’t that long, to begin with.

You don’t need to change anything (including positions) according to your size unless you or your partner finds something uncomfortable. You might assume that you should play with positions that allow you to thrust deeper, but that isn’t necessarily the case. Shallower penetration can be more pleasurable in many cases for several reasons:

  • More pressure & stimulation of the external vulva and clitoris
  • Stimulation of the G-zone via the upper wall of the vaginal canal
  • Some people have shorter vaginas
  • More stimulation of the...
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How To Master Phone Sex

jess' articles Dec 08, 2021

I was recently asked to answer some questions about phone sex and thought I'd share my thoughts with you on the blog as well. Check out the Q&A and my top tips for dirty talk (on the phone or in-person) below.

If someone wants to have phone sex but feels a little awkward about it, how might they make themselves more comfortable?

  • Change your tone and volume. Oftentimes, it’s less about what you say and more about how you say it.
  • Try muffling your sounds with your fingers loosely placed over your microphone.
  • Lower your voice.
  • Speak more slowly.

Ask questions:

  • What are you doing?
  • What do you want to do?
  • What do you want to hear?
  • How can I please you?

Practice talking dirty in person. And remember that dirty talk can be romantic, playful, teasing, descriptive inquisitive, sweet, ego-stroking and more — it doesn’t always have to be raunchy.

Some additional dirty talk tips from the New Sex Bible:

Start Small. When you’re ready, toss in a few words...

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Never Go To Bed Angry! Good or Bad Advice? (And what to do if you and your partner can’t agree)

jess' articles Nov 26, 2021

I was recently asked; about whether or not it’s okay to go to bed angry and I thought I’d share my notes and thoughts from the interview below.

Is there truth behind the phrase never go to sleep angry at your partner,” or is it a myth? Why?

You may go to sleep angry at times, and that’s okay. Some feelings can be attenuated or soothed in an evening, and others may remain for some time.

The end of the day doesn’t mean a simple wrap-up of your feelings, so you may go to bed feeling upset with one another. But this doesn’t mean that you need to be fully disconnected. Can you still kiss goodnight, hold hands, snuggle or say “I love you” after an unfinished argument? This is important, as positive expressions of love can help offset the potentially negative effects of conflict.

If you are going to sleep without resolving an argument or conflict, can you let your partner know that you’re committed to working on the issue?


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Sex, Wellness & Aging

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Jess recently contributed to The Aging Games program hosted by Lynn Hardy, ND, CNC. 

Not your average or traditional anti-aging advice, this video program consists of 22 videos covering topics like nutrition, exercise, skin care, sexuality and much more.

Check out the interview with Lynn below, and if you're interested in exploring the program, you can save $50 when you click on the link here.

Q: Tell us about yourself and why you decided to launch the Aging Games.

Lynn: The idea came about after the success of my book, The Aging Games: How to Come out a Winner. I realized that, with the book, I only gave a small taste of some key concepts related to healthy aging, and I wanted to go much deeper into specific areas, such as sexuality, exercise, hormones, and more. That's where the idea of a comprehensive age-defying video program came about. But rather than having all the videos based on my knowledge and experience, I decided to bring together the top...

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Sensation Play: 5 Simple Techniques

jess' articles Oct 13, 2021

Woohoo! My friends at Astroglide have launched a new tingly product...Quiver lube. To celebrate, they've brought you this quickie post on how to incorporate sensation play into your bedroom routine.

Sensation play evokes the senses and may include experimentation with different textures, temperatures, aromas, sounds, sights, lighting levels, flavours and moisture levels. Even small adjustments to one of your five senses can have enormous impact on your sexual response, so try one of these on for size:

Feather tickle: Use the soft tip of a feather or makeup brush to brush the skin with the lightest of touch and create pleasant yearning sensations as well as teasing tickles. Try it with lube and see how the sensations change. Alternate between the soft bristles and the sharp pointed end to balance soft pleasure with firmer touch to keep your partner guessing.

Play with audial overwhelm: Set the scene with loud music that evokes the feelings you associate with pleasure...

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How To Fight Fair (And Stop Bickering)

jess' articles Oct 04, 2021

How you engage in conflict can affect every facet of your relationship, from how you support one another during times of crisis to how you feel when you slide into bed at night.

Here are a few Q&As from a previously published column in Post City:

Queenie asks, “How do we stop having the same fight over and over again?”

It happens to the best of us. Oftentimes we fight to relieve tension, jockey for power, or prove a point. Rather than trying to win or be right, ask yourself these three questions:

  • What am I hoping to get out of this argument?
  • What am I willing to do to produce the desired outcome?
  • What can my partner do to help?

Focus on the second question before you even consider moving on to the third. If you are seeking a specific resolution, chances are you are the one who can bring it to fruition. We tend to focus on what we want from others rather than ways we can change; our attitudes and behaviours.

Begin the conversation by expressing your desired outcome...

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Sex In Space: What Science Says

jess' articles Sep 29, 2021

Can you have sex in space? Will floating around heighten the experience or detract from it? How do you deal with friction, finding your rhythm, and managing bodily fluids?

According to Sex Tech In Space, a report by Erobotics Research Consulting in partnership with pleasure brand, We-Vibe, there is a lack of research and a relatively hands-off approach to collecting data due to taboo and stigma.

But, many of the challenges faced in space may be related to a lack of gravity.

For example, dealing with floaties can be a challenge when you’re trying to find your groove and the expenditure of energy required to hold yourself in place can detract from energy better directed at cultivating pleasure. For those who enjoy sustained friction, there may be additional challenges as you’re forced to fight against the floaties.

We-Vibe Chorus in Space

Moreover, fluids can also be uniquely challenging in terms of containment. You likely don’t want them to float away for practical and...

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Cheating Questions Answered

jess' articles q & a Sep 27, 2021

Cheating is more common than we’d like to admit, and the experience is shrouded in shame, which encourages those affected to manage their most difficult challenges and feelings in secret. This secrecy further reinforces feelings of shame, creating a burdensome loop that makes managing cheating a seemingly insurmountable task.

We need to break this cycle and talk about it, so this week, I invited your neighbours to share their questions about cheating so that we can open a dialogue and rebuild fulfilling, meaningful relationships.

Leslie from Midtown writes: How do Imove on and trust someone again after my ex cheated?

Permit yourself to feel sad, mad, scared, insecure, unsure, embarrassed, excited, hopeful and the full range of emotions we experience after a breakup. Breakups involve a period of grieving, and the feelings of loss are not necessarily attenuated by the fact that your ex was imperfect (or worse). You can be relieved to be rid of them and still miss some of the...

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