How to Talk About Sex!
Excerpted from Dr. Jess' book Hot Sex: Tips, Tricks and Licks
Oral sex isn’t always about getting on your knees and puckering up. Some of the best oral sex (think long-term payoff) can be taken care of standing up or sitting at the dinner table—through real, honest communication. Getting oral with your partner is probably the most important thing you can do to cultivate a red-hot sexual relationship. So start talking!
It may not be easy to do, but the more you practice the easier it gets. If a topic is awkward, use these four tips to get started:
• Talk when the time is right. Initiating a serious conversation about sex right before you’re about to get hot and heavy isn’t always an ideal. you’re more likely to rush through the discussion if you’re goal is really to get down to business. So set some time aside when sex is off the table: Start talking about sex while you’re out for coffee,...
Let’s Talk About Sex – With Our Partner(s)
By: Lyba Spring
Do we have to talk about sex?
It is generally accepted that we have to talk about sexuality in some way to our children so that they can develop into sexually healthy individuals. But what about our partners? Whether it’s a one-time thing or a long-term committed relationship, there are three prerequisites to any sexual activity: consent, safety and pleasure.
There is no way around it: communication is key. For some people, this feels entirely natural; for others, they’d rather visit the dentist. Let’s say you have a new partner. You are very turned on to each other. You’ve managed to discuss mutual protection and have negotiated safer sex and/or contraception if pregnancy is an issue. You’ve agreed that you’re going to have sex – whatever that term means to the both of you. That’s two down off the checklist. Now, are you going to present a menu of what pleases you before the clothes come off; or are you going to...
Getting Feedback After Sex: Part 2
Continued from Part 1 here...
Closed-Ended Questions
All of us would have inadvertently said something to hurt someone. Hence, when you try to get sexual feedback from your partner, their own fears of hurting you will come into play. They are not just worried of potentially hurting you, but also have a disbelief that you are genuinely willing and open to hear from them. It will take a while before your partner will begin to talk more openly about their sexual experiences.
If you have limited success with open-ended questions, don’t give up. This is where you move onto closed-ended questions such as:
“Did you notice when I did…..?” (Yes or No)
“Did you like it when I did it?” (If your partner does not remember, you could imitate what you did previously.)
“Was your orgasm the same, less or more intense than the last time?” (There is only one answer.)
This is where you can encourage further dialogue by reverting to a few open-ended...
Getting Feedback After Sex: Part 1
In previous pieces, I have covered how sex is not a one-way experience (in ‘Don’t Lie Back and Think of England’), as well as how sex can be like an elephant in the bedroom when it comes to communicating any problems that might be occurring. This week, I would like to suggest ways in which we can get feedback from our partner after a sexual experience. And when I say sexual experience, I am not limiting it to just penetrative sex.
Open-Ended Questions
You can begin asking your partner what the sexual experience was like:
“Sweetheart, how was it for you?” or “How was it just now?”
If feedback is restricted to one-word answers or not forthcoming, you can elaborate by saying: “Ok… You know, I would really like to hear what you like about it and what would make it better. Could you share more with me?”
An open-ended question allows for your partner to communicate as little or as much as desired.
Breaking the questions down...
What Do Your Sexual Fantasies Mean?
Continued from the previous post...
Feel out their responses to understand their mental trigger points and build on them. If your partner loves to hear about sex in exotic/public places, keep changing the scenarios to add variety. Tie in real-life elements (sex in the workplace or in the car) to make it seem attainable and further entrench their interest. And if your fantasies are highly divergent (they like sex in public places and you just love the chill of handcuffs) combine your fantasies to create a new script (sex in the park with the pigeons watching while you’re tied up to the bench). Talking about or envisioning an ultimate scenario, partner, body part or other fantasy object right before climax can enhance your body’s response and intensify your orgasmic experience.
And don’t worry about stretching the truth a little. In a committed relationship with open communication, telling your partner that you’d love to see...
