By: Lyba Spring

Do we have to talk about sex?

It is generally accepted that we have to talk about sexuality in some way to our children so that they can develop into sexually healthy individuals. But what about our partners?  Whether it’s a one-time thing or a long-term committed relationship, there are three prerequisites to any sexual activity: consent, safety and pleasure.

There is no way around it: communication is key. For some people, this feels entirely natural; for others, they’d rather visit the dentist. Let’s say you have a new partner. You are very turned on to each other. You’ve managed to discuss mutual protection and have negotiated safer sex and/or contraception if pregnancy is an issue. You’ve agreed that you’re going to have sex – whatever that term means to the both of you. That’s two down off the checklist. Now, are you going to present a menu of what pleases you before the clothes come off; or are you going to...

Texting has become a significant part of today's dating world. Whether you're single, just starting to date someone or you've been with your partner for many years, chances are you communicate through text more often than not. So how is texting impacting our intimate relationships? When and how should we use texting to communicate with our partners?

Dr.Jess recently sat down with Dr.Oren Amitay, Clinical Psychologist and Professor of Human Sexuality, to discuss the "dos and don'ts" of texting in relationships.

Here are a few points' from Dr.Jess' conversation with Dr.Amitay:

1. So much of communication is expressed through body language and tone.
Text does not allow you the option to express yourself with your body language or your tone. Sure, emoticons are a start, but nothing compares to the nuances of face-to-face communication. This is why Dr.Amitay tells his patients that even a thousand texts are not worth one face-to-face conversation.

2. Always know when to...

In previous pieces, I have covered how sex is not a one-way experience (in ‘Don’t Lie Back and Think of England’), as well as how sex can be like an elephant in the bedroom when it comes to communicating any problems that might be occurring. This week, I would like to suggest ways in which we can get feedback from our partner after a sexual experience. And when I say sexual experience, I am not limiting it to just penetrative sex.

Open-Ended Questions

You can begin asking your partner what the sexual experience was like:

“Sweetheart, how was it for you?” or “How was it just now?”

If feedback is restricted to one-word answers or not forthcoming, you can elaborate by saying: “Ok… You know, I would really like to hear what you like about it and what would make it better. Could you share more with me?”

An open-ended question allows for your partner to communicate as little or as much as desired.

Breaking the questions down...

I’m a sexologist. I study sex: what people do and how they feel about it. It’s a tough job, but someone has got to do it.

At cocktail parties, people are intrigued by my profession and I’m flooded with questions:

How did I get into sexology?

I started as a sexual health peer counsellor in undergrad and realized how much we all have to learn about sex.

Am I really into sex?

Oh yes.

Do I work with people with sexual dysfunctions?

Sometimes. But others with already-great sex lives come to sexologists for healthy enrichment strategies.

What’s it like to hear about people’s most personal secrets?

It’s fun, exciting, interesting and natural. Most importantly, it’s an ongoing learning process and I think I provide a valuable (and rare) outlet for discussing the vital subject of sex.

Does my husband know he’s a lucky guy?

Heck yeah. And I’m lucky too.

via GIPHY

But what people really want to talk about are their own...