Continued from Part 1...

If you want to take it up a notch, consider telling your partners about the fantasies you have that include them. Tell them that you thought of them earlier in the day and started aching to feel their touch or tell them that you saw someone else checking them out and it turned you on. You might tell them that you were watching them work, bend over or get undressed and it made you tingle in all the right places.

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Be honest with regard to your fantasies and remember that fantasies do not need to become reality. Just because you are willing to talk about filming your sexual escapades because it turns you on while you are having sex does not mean that you need to pursue this fantasy in real life. If you find that you are turned on by talking about a fantasy, but draw the line at talk alone, make this clear in advance. It is important to set boundaries before sex play and debrief after sex to discuss how you feel about the things that were said.

Other...

Continued from Part 1 here...

Closed-Ended Questions

All of us would have inadvertently said something to hurt someone. Hence, when you try to get sexual feedback from your partner, their own fears of hurting you will come into play. They are not just worried of potentially hurting you, but also have a disbelief that you are genuinely willing and open to hear from them. It will take a while before your partner will begin to talk more openly about their sexual experiences.

If you have limited success with open-ended questions, don’t give up. This is where you move onto closed-ended questions such as:

“Did you notice when I did…..?” (Yes or No)

“Did you like it when I did it?” (If your partner does not remember, you could imitate what you did previously.)

“Was your orgasm the same, less or more intense than the last time?” (There is only one answer.)

This is where you can encourage further dialogue by reverting to a few open-ended...