In previous pieces, I have covered how sex is not a one-way experience (in ‘Don’t Lie Back and Think of England’), as well as how sex can be like an elephant in the bedroom when it comes to communicating any problems that might be occurring. This week, I would like to suggest ways in which we can get feedback from our partner after a sexual experience. And when I say sexual experience, I am not limiting it to just penetrative sex.

Open-Ended Questions

You can begin asking your partner what the sexual experience was like:

“Sweetheart, how was it for you?” or “How was it just now?”

If feedback is restricted to one-word answers or not forthcoming, you can elaborate by saying: “Ok… You know, I would really like to hear what you like about it and what would make it better. Could you share more with me?”

An open-ended question allows for your partner to communicate as little or as much as desired.

Breaking the questions down...

Continued from Part 1 here...

Closed-Ended Questions

All of us would have inadvertently said something to hurt someone. Hence, when you try to get sexual feedback from your partner, their own fears of hurting you will come into play. They are not just worried of potentially hurting you, but also have a disbelief that you are genuinely willing and open to hear from them. It will take a while before your partner will begin to talk more openly about their sexual experiences.

If you have limited success with open-ended questions, don’t give up. This is where you move onto closed-ended questions such as:

“Did you notice when I did…..?” (Yes or No)

“Did you like it when I did it?” (If your partner does not remember, you could imitate what you did previously.)

“Was your orgasm the same, less or more intense than the last time?” (There is only one answer.)

This is where you can encourage further dialogue by reverting to a few open-ended...

Sex is Healthy. But it's also healthy to not experience sexual attraction.

In my business, we talk a lot about being sex-positive. This means that we see sex as a natural, healthy part of human life and that we're open to a range of interests, tastes, desires, and behaviours. We try not to judge others based on their unique sexual inclinations and we believe in sexual rights -- including the right to accurate information, the right to engage in consensual activities and the right to enjoy sexual fantasies.

But this doesn't mean that we believe that people ought to engage in sexual activities or that they must have sexual fantasies if these things don't seem desirable or even natural. Each person's interest in sex varies over time with age, lifestyle, health, stress, partners, peers and a confluence of other factors. And some people do not experience sexual attraction at all -- some research suggests that approximately one percent of the population is asexual. But what...

How do you know if you're ready?

The only person who can really provide an answer is you. If you feel ready, willing and prepared and have taken some time to consider how you feel, then you may very well be ready. If you feel unsure of your preparedness, then you should probably wait until you feel more comfortable.

I wish I could tell you that 5.6 dates means that you're ready to hop in the sack, but the reality is that every person and every situation is unique. It shouldn't matter what everyone else is doing (forget about that so-called third date rule), because your body is your own and you have to choose to do (or not do) as you feel fit.

As a sexologist, I advocate for sexual rights, health, education and pleasure. I also provide education to reduce the potential risks associated with sex and embracing a sex-positive approach. This in no way means that I think all sex is wonderful. I also don't believe that people need to make sex a greater priority unless they want...

Real Aphrodisiacs

Combining food and sex really is the ultimate indulgence. Just ask George Costanza. And if a pastrami on rye sandwich isn't exactly what you have in mind when it comes to sensual eating, a new study may offer some tips on how to add a little sugar and spice to your sex life.

A Canadian review of 150 international studies found that saffron, the world's most expensive spice, has been shown to enhance sexual performance and satisfaction. Maybe this is why saffron couscous is so tasty! Panax ginseng (or Korean ginseng) may also offer sex benefits by improving erectile functioning in men and arousal frequency in women.

Other spice rack staples like cloves, sage and nutmeg may also enhance sexual stimulation. And though the lab experiments with these threespices with rats have yet to be replicated in humans, I'm now beginning to understand why my local grocery stores always seem to be sold out of sage...and apple pie.

For an oral approach to boosting your libido, you...

Limerence is a term used to describe that period of hot longing and lustful infatuation that we feel when we first connect with someone and begin to fall in love. That sexy spark and constant (almost obsessive) passion is enough to make us look past our partner’s flaws and see nothing but perfection. Yes. We are blinded by love.

Just writing this description makes my heart race a little bit and I need a moment to breathe a big slow exhale right now. If you’re a true romantic or have ever experienced the euphoria of falling in love, you probably know what I’m talking about.

If you’ve ever been in love, you have likely also experienced the decline of limerence or the perception of falling out of love, as limerence can be short-lived. While love can last a lifetime, the thrill of falling in love and the passion of a new romance fades over time, which is why so many couples complain that they’ve lost that lovin’ feeling.

But have no fear, because you...

Consider making a few resolutions to bring that feeling of limerence back into your love life. I’ve listed a few suggestions below, but be creative and realistic with your own resolutions bearing in mind that keeping it hot takes work, but the process can be as much fun as the results.

Some ideas to get you started:

1. Call for no reason. We all fall into routines and though we may take comfort in the predictability, it can become boring very quickly. Be sure to call or text your partner a few times a week just to say hi and let them know you care. And be strict with the content of these calls and texts. Don’t ask your partner to pick up milk on the way home or slip in a story about the drama of your workplace. Keep the call purely intimate — you are more than roommates or business partners, so act like it. Some possible texts might include:

• I love you.
• I want you.
• I’m thinking of you.
• I can’t wait to see you.
• You make me happy.
• You’re the best.
...

While long distance love may make for lonely nights and the need to keep a few extra batteries on hand in the nightstand, loving from a distance is a common arrangement in the modern, globalized world. As more people connect through online dating, new relationships are often separated by hundreds of miles (or more) from the onset. And though the distance may prove challenging at times, smart couples are taking advantage of all that long-distance love has to offer.

On the plus side, absence not only has the potential to make the heart grow stronger, but it can also make the libido soar. While intimacy may be cultivated through comfort and closeness, raw sexual desire is often fueled by unpredictability, risk and the unknown. So sex in long distance relationships can be very hot — as long as you don’t let a little space get in the way.

Phone sex, Skype sex (hooray for webcams) and sexting are not only the perfect foreplay to let the tension build until your next in-person...

The Kangaroo Sex Position involves one partner crouching on all fours with the knees bent while the insertive partner crouches and penetrates from behind. They can thrust and hop around like kangaroos. Good on ya, mate!

Karezza involves prolonged, intimate sexual intercourse without the goal of ejaculation or orgasm. It often refers to penetrative sex involving deep affection, devoted touch, spiritual connection, little movement and partner bonding. Though some people may scoff at sex without the goal of orgasm, practitioners describe it as a love meditation that deepens relationships, embraces the sacred elements of sex and induces states of sexual ecstasy. Though the practice of karezza takes time, commitment and patience to embrace, we can all extract elements from its philosophy without sacrificing pleasure. For example, the next time you’re having penetrative sex of any kind, try lying completely still for a minute or two and breathing in unison with your partner. ...

Men Allergic To Their Own Sperm

New research suggests that some men may experience flu-like systems due to an allergic reaction to their own semen. And we're talking more than just the exhaustion and body aches caused by hanging from the chandelier. The condition, Post Orgasmic Illness Syndrome (POIS), involves an allergic reaction after ejaculation with symptoms lasting up to a week. One week! That may sound like a long refractory period and a heavy price to pay for two or three minutes of fun, but researchers promise a silver lining.

Professor Marcel Waldinger from Utrecht University studied a group of 33 Dutch men who underwent a skin-prick test using their diluted semen. The vast majority of participants (88 percent) had a positive reaction indicating an auto-immune response as opposed to the previously presumed psychological cause.

These findings help to clarify earlier documented and unexplained reports of this type of allergic reaction that left men feeling confused and...