How Long Should You Wait To Have Sex?

How do you know if you're ready?

The only person who can really provide an answer is you. If you feel ready, willing and prepared and have taken some time to consider how you feel, then you may very well be ready. If you feel unsure of your preparedness, then you should probably wait until you feel more comfortable.

I wish I could tell you that 5.6 dates means that you're ready to hop in the sack, but the reality is that every person and every situation is unique. It shouldn't matter what everyone else is doing (forget about that so-called third date rule), because your body is your own and you have to choose to do (or not do) as you feel fit.

As a sexologist, I advocate for sexual rights, health, education and pleasure. I also provide education to reduce the potential risks associated with sex and embracing a sex-positive approach. This in no way means that I think all sex is wonderful. I also don't believe that people need to make sex a greater priority unless they want to. Sexuality is so incredibly subjective and personal and only you can decide what works for you.

My goal is to provide accurate information and help people feel empowered to make decisions they feel good about based on their own values and conceptions of sex. My job is to support them in a way that respects their varied sexual beliefs and values. It is never a one-size-fits-all approach.

Having said that, I'll offer a non-exhaustive list of questions you might want to consider before you have sex:

• Have you talked about your sexual feelings, values, interests, and limitations? 
• Do you have the tools you need (condoms, lube, contraception, etc.) to practice safer sex?
• Have you talked about safer sex with your partner?
• Do you want to have sex? If so, why do you want to do so?
• Do you feel comfortable and relaxed with your partner?
• Do you trust your partner?
• What are your expectations with regard to sexual pleasure, expression, and communication? 
• Have you considered the emotional elements of engaging in partnered sex
• Have you considered that your emotional reactions may be different than your partner's?
• Have you considered religious or personal values that may impact your experience of sex?
• Do you accept that sex can change relationships in both positive and negative ways?

These are just a few questions to get you started. I realize that we don't always go through a checklist before every sexual encounter, but spending some time thinking about what motivates us can produce positive outcomes.

Note that you should never feel pressure to have sex. If you feel pressured by your partner, peers or perceived cultural expectations, this will not only detract from the experience and increase the risk of negative outcomes, but it is likely an indication that you should wait.

As always, have fun, experiment and always practice safer sex. 

via GIPHY