Women want sex. That's right. Today's empowered, educated, confident women are not afraid to embrace their love of sex. It feels great to say it and do it!

A study conducted at the University of Florida found that women and men in committed relationships reject gender stereotypes and embrace similar attitudes toward sexual pleasure.

But for those women who are in relationships with men who want it less than they do, a number of issues can arise. Some men feel emasculated or intimidated by their partners' active libidos. And women, who may have been conditioned to associate desirability and arousal with being pursued, can find that their desire wanes when their partners are less enthusiastic.

To address this challenge, both men and women need specific reassurance from their partners. This is very simple, but many people disregard the power of words. First, tell you partners how you feel! Tell them how badly you want them, how good it feels to be with them and how they make your heart...

Prolong Your Pleasure

This week, I received 3 emails asking about The Squeeze Technique, so I thought I'd post a blog for the world to enjoy! This approach to delaying orgasm for men involves a little more work than the Stop-Start Method and though some people use it to address so-called premature ejaculation, it can also be practiced by anyone who wants to gain greater ejaculatory control and intensify their orgasmic response.

The squeeze technique involves reaching a high state of pre-orgasmic arousal and squeezing the penis just below its glans/head (where it connects with the shaft) until the urge to ejaculate subsides. The man or his partner can perform the squeeze using the thumb and index finger, but he needs to be able to recognize his approaching point-of-no-return so that he can stop what he's doing ahead of time. The erection may subside creating an opportunity for more fun sex play to build it back up if desired.

This method requires practice, so it...

That Depends On Your Definition of Cheating.

What is cheating? Does a kiss, a long glance, a casual screw, an online romance or a secret emotional connection constitute relationship infidelity? As a culture that celebrates diversity, it is important to remember that relationships come in all shapes and sizes. Accordingly, there is no determinate set of acts or behaviours can be universally considered cheating. Some people are open to (even welcoming of) friendly flirting, intimate friendships and casual threesomes, while others cringe at the thought of sharing their partners.

There is no perfect fit for relationships. Serial monogamy, polyamory, open relationship triads, swinging and a range of other options are all legitimate and potentially challenging arrangements. Proponents of monogamy may claim that their relationship provides more intense intimacy and companionship, while polyamorists may view monogamy as a limiting form of possession.

It is easy to be critical or...

Continued from previous post...

Talking about boundaries and expectations also produces a perfect opportunity to discuss the potential for diversity or experimentation within all types of relationships. Clients who are interested in swinging often ask for advice on how to introduce the subject to their partners. While it is unlikely that most people will be open to a sudden change in relationship structure, asking your partners about their fantasies can create an exciting dialogue and produce shared fantasies and role play games that can be even more mind-blowing than the real thing.

But back to the question at hand: what is cheating? In short, cheating involves engaging in any activity (emails, text messages, telephone calls, physical intimacy, emotional companionship, etc.) to which your partners would not consent. A good starting point is to act in a similar manner both in the presence and absence of your partners. If they would be uncomfortable watching you act in a particular...

I hear about this concern from both men and women: "It takes her forever to come!"

A well-intentioned male client recently complained to me that despite forty or fifty minutes of hard penile thrusting (ouch!), his wife struggles to reach orgasm. Another friend mentioned that she used to reach orgasm so quickly with her super-hot partner, but lately is taking longer to reach her Niagara Falls-like moment of bliss. Neither of these situations is uncommon.

Lots of women require relaxed, prolonged and varied stimulation to get to the point of no return. And vaginal stimulation is often not enough. Do not be mistaken -- there are also women who reach orgasm in a matter of seconds - some without any genital stimulation at all, and they're the ones wishing their partners would hurry up already. But there seems to be undue pressure on women to reach the heights of ecstasy within a short period of time.

Ladies: whatever your ambitions (faster orgasms, more intense orgasms, multiple orgasms),...

This is the workshop for which I received the most thanks from the female attendees. Going down on a woman can be a wonderful source of pleasure for all parties involved and we can all use a few suggestions to improve our repertoire. I list a few tidbits below and welcome your recommendations and feedback.

General Suggestions:

• Communication is of utmost importance for mutual enjoyment. Ask your partner what she likes and welcome her reactions.
• A good partner is eager to offer constructive feedback and show appreciation for her partner's efforts.
• Safer sex practices for cunnilingus involve the use of barrier methods such as dental dams.
• For increased sensation and pleasure, apply a water-based lubricant to both sides of the dental dam.
• Consider pleasuring and teasing her entire body before proceeding to her vulva. 

Grooving:

• Gently run your tongue between the grooves of her outer and inner labia.
• Alternate your breathing patterns to stimulate her...

I recently hosted a training session on enhancing and supporting the sex lives of people living with HIV/Aids. Part of the workshop involved driving home the message that sex encompasses a wide range of amazingly pleasurable activities beyond plain old intercourse. While intercourse (of many varieties) can be awesome, we limit our potential for pleasure when we restrict sex to intercourse alone.

There are so many wonderful reasons to expand our sexual repertoire and potential beyond the confines of intercourse:

1. Pleasure – lots of things feel so good!
2. Safety – some activities reduce the risk of pregnancy and STI infection.
3. Excitement – it’s fun and stimulating to try new things.
4. Intimacy building – some activities are more likely to facilitate bonding between partners
5. Self-expression.
6. Variety – it’s the spice of life and repetition can get boring.
7. Learning – sex for educational purposesJ
8. Orgasms – they can be experienced...

The following post is intended for those over the age of 18. If you are not yet 18, please access www.sexualityandu.com for accurate sex information.

As promised, I describe another oral sex term below: The Aficionado. This one is for all the men and women who love women, enjoy pleasing us and keeping us coming back for more.

Once again, I can only offer my personal thoughts based on my own experience, research and conversations with other women. This is not a prescription for great cunnilingus, but just a description of one possible approach to fun, sensual muff-diving. Contrary to the popular belief that “anything you do feels good down there”, each woman has a set of unique desires and responses and open communication is the best way to learn about what she loves. This open communication should be a two-way street in which she gives encouraging feedback and you ask supportive questions.

Encouraging feedback might include the following requests/responses: Faster. Oh...

Timing is key to exciting sex. Consider having sex…

Before dinner: the traditional date night involves some food, wine, movies and/or dancing. While I love all of the above and each of these date components can put you in a sexy mood, they can also tire you out. So why not try sex before the date begins? You’ll have more energy earlier in the evening and won’t be weighed down by foods that make you feel bloated. Moreover, satisfying sex releases oxytocin and endorphins that help you relax and calm nerves.

In the morning: put that morning wood and/or relaxed state of mind to good use and have sex as soon as you wake up. Try it on Monday mornings to jump-start your week!

In the middle of the workday (Afternoon Delight): sex in its many forms (including self-pleasure) can relieve stress, so why not engage in sexual activity in the middle of a stressful day to ease tensions? Set a date with yourself or your partner(s) to meet in a hotel room or other private...

I’m a sexologist. I study sex: what people do and how they feel about it. It’s a tough job, but someone has got to do it.

At cocktail parties, people are intrigued by my profession and I’m flooded with questions:

How did I get into sexology?

I started as a sexual health peer counsellor in undergrad and realized how much we all have to learn about sex.

Am I really into sex?

Oh yes.

Do I work with people with sexual dysfunctions?

Sometimes. But others with already-great sex lives come to sexologists for healthy enrichment strategies.

What’s it like to hear about people’s most personal secrets?

It’s fun, exciting, interesting and natural. Most importantly, it’s an ongoing learning process and I think I provide a valuable (and rare) outlet for discussing the vital subject of sex.

Does my husband know he’s a lucky guy?

Heck yeah. And I’m lucky too.

via GIPHY

But what people really want to talk about are their own...