By: Lyba Spring

Do we have to talk about sex?

It is generally accepted that we have to talk about sexuality in some way to our children so that they can develop into sexually healthy individuals. But what about our partners?  Whether it’s a one-time thing or a long-term committed relationship, there are three prerequisites to any sexual activity: consent, safety and pleasure.

There is no way around it: communication is key. For some people, this feels entirely natural; for others, they’d rather visit the dentist. Let’s say you have a new partner. You are very turned on to each other. You’ve managed to discuss mutual protection and have negotiated safer sex and/or contraception if pregnancy is an issue. You’ve agreed that you’re going to have sex – whatever that term means to the both of you. That’s two down off the checklist. Now, are you going to present a menu of what pleases you before the clothes come off; or are you going to...

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If you want to take it up a notch, consider telling your partners about the fantasies you have that include them. Tell them that you thought of them earlier in the day and started aching to feel their touch or tell them that you saw someone else checking them out and it turned you on. You might tell them that you were watching them work, bend over or get undressed and it made you tingle in all the right places.

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Be honest with regard to your fantasies and remember that fantasies do not need to become reality. Just because you are willing to talk about filming your sexual escapades because it turns you on while you are having sex does not mean that you need to pursue this fantasy in real life. If you find that you are turned on by talking about a fantasy, but draw the line at talk alone, make this clear in advance. It is important to set boundaries before sex play and debrief after sex to discuss how you feel about the things that were said.

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Of all the workshops I teach, Dirty Talk, is among my favourites! I promise clients that if they learn to talk dirty, they can be the laziest lovers and still blow their partners’ minds. This is because dirty talk is all about learning to tap into your most intense fantasies and bring them to life in words. And since fantasy is often hotter than reality, crawling into your partner’s dirty mind is the key to a long-lasting and fulfilling sexual relationship.

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Many people learn to talk dirty from porn, but this leaves them with a limited repertoire that excludes the personal element of sexy talk. Moreover, dirty talk doesn’t have to be rough, hardcore or even sexual to be erotic. The most enticing bedroom chatter can be romantic, teasing, alluring, demanding, submissive, naughty and fantastical.

Follow these guidelines to get started and be sure to check back next week for some explicit one-liners you can use to develop your dirty talk arsenal:

The first...

Sex is Healthy. But it's also healthy to not experience sexual attraction.

In my business, we talk a lot about being sex-positive. This means that we see sex as a natural, healthy part of human life and that we're open to a range of interests, tastes, desires, and behaviours. We try not to judge others based on their unique sexual inclinations and we believe in sexual rights -- including the right to accurate information, the right to engage in consensual activities and the right to enjoy sexual fantasies.

But this doesn't mean that we believe that people ought to engage in sexual activities or that they must have sexual fantasies if these things don't seem desirable or even natural. Each person's interest in sex varies over time with age, lifestyle, health, stress, partners, peers and a confluence of other factors. And some people do not experience sexual attraction at all -- some research suggests that approximately one percent of the population is asexual. But what...

Breasts! They are often at the forefront of sex play and are lovely, beautiful parts of the female body.

We hear a lot about breast health and the importance of checking them regularly as part of the breast cancer screening process and this message is of paramount importance, so please do be sure to check your breasts.

There is, however, a lot more to our mammary glands than health and cancer prevention alone. Here are a few fun breast facts:

• Size doesn’t matter when it comes to sexual pleasure. Breasts come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, colours and even textures and while women’s breasts seem to be growing (likely due to body weight increases), breast size does not impact a woman’s experience of physical pleasure. One factor that does seem to influence sensitivity and pleasure is the menstrual cycle and fluctuating hormone levels with many women reporting greater sensitivity during ovulation and less sensitivity during the first two...

Mastilagnia refers to deriving sexual pleasure from whipping or being whipped.

Mechanophilia describes sexual attraction to machines including trains, bicycles, planes and other mechanical devices. If machines turn you on, you might want to check out this very lifelike robot girlfriend who offers both conversation and sex!

Milking the Prostate refers to the process of stimulating the male prostate gland with a finger or other object inserted through the anus. The term “milking” often describes a prostate massage that culminates in ejaculation.

Muff Diving is slang for cunnilingus or going down on a woman. Looking for a few tips on muff diving? Click here!

Mooseknuckles is a term used to describe the outline of the male genitals revealed through tight pants, shorts or other clothing.

How do you know if you're ready?

The only person who can really provide an answer is you. If you feel ready, willing and prepared and have taken some time to consider how you feel, then you may very well be ready. If you feel unsure of your preparedness, then you should probably wait until you feel more comfortable.

I wish I could tell you that 5.6 dates means that you're ready to hop in the sack, but the reality is that every person and every situation is unique. It shouldn't matter what everyone else is doing (forget about that so-called third date rule), because your body is your own and you have to choose to do (or not do) as you feel fit.

As a sexologist, I advocate for sexual rights, health, education and pleasure. I also provide education to reduce the potential risks associated with sex and embracing a sex-positive approach. This in no way means that I think all sex is wonderful. I also don't believe that people need to make sex a greater priority unless they want...

Real Aphrodisiacs

Combining food and sex really is the ultimate indulgence. Just ask George Costanza. And if a pastrami on rye sandwich isn't exactly what you have in mind when it comes to sensual eating, a new study may offer some tips on how to add a little sugar and spice to your sex life.

A Canadian review of 150 international studies found that saffron, the world's most expensive spice, has been shown to enhance sexual performance and satisfaction. Maybe this is why saffron couscous is so tasty! Panax ginseng (or Korean ginseng) may also offer sex benefits by improving erectile functioning in men and arousal frequency in women.

Other spice rack staples like cloves, sage and nutmeg may also enhance sexual stimulation. And though the lab experiments with these threespices with rats have yet to be replicated in humans, I'm now beginning to understand why my local grocery stores always seem to be sold out of sage...and apple pie.

For an oral approach to boosting your libido, you...

The Kangaroo Sex Position involves one partner crouching on all fours with the knees bent while the insertive partner crouches and penetrates from behind. They can thrust and hop around like kangaroos. Good on ya, mate!

Karezza involves prolonged, intimate sexual intercourse without the goal of ejaculation or orgasm. It often refers to penetrative sex involving deep affection, devoted touch, spiritual connection, little movement and partner bonding. Though some people may scoff at sex without the goal of orgasm, practitioners describe it as a love meditation that deepens relationships, embraces the sacred elements of sex and induces states of sexual ecstasy. Though the practice of karezza takes time, commitment and patience to embrace, we can all extract elements from its philosophy without sacrificing pleasure. For example, the next time you’re having penetrative sex of any kind, try lying completely still for a minute or two and breathing in unison with your partner. ...

Men Allergic To Their Own Sperm

New research suggests that some men may experience flu-like systems due to an allergic reaction to their own semen. And we're talking more than just the exhaustion and body aches caused by hanging from the chandelier. The condition, Post Orgasmic Illness Syndrome (POIS), involves an allergic reaction after ejaculation with symptoms lasting up to a week. One week! That may sound like a long refractory period and a heavy price to pay for two or three minutes of fun, but researchers promise a silver lining.

Professor Marcel Waldinger from Utrecht University studied a group of 33 Dutch men who underwent a skin-prick test using their diluted semen. The vast majority of participants (88 percent) had a positive reaction indicating an auto-immune response as opposed to the previously presumed psychological cause.

These findings help to clarify earlier documented and unexplained reports of this type of allergic reaction that left men feeling confused and...