Prolong Your Pleasure

This week, I received 3 emails asking about The Squeeze Technique, so I thought I'd post a blog for the world to enjoy! This approach to delaying orgasm for men involves a little more work than the Stop-Start Method and though some people use it to address so-called premature ejaculation, it can also be practiced by anyone who wants to gain greater ejaculatory control and intensify their orgasmic response.

The squeeze technique involves reaching a high state of pre-orgasmic arousal and squeezing the penis just below its glans/head (where it connects with the shaft) until the urge to ejaculate subsides. The man or his partner can perform the squeeze using the thumb and index finger, but he needs to be able to recognize his approaching point-of-no-return so that he can stop what he's doing ahead of time. The erection may subside creating an opportunity for more fun sex play to build it back up if desired.

This method requires practice, so it...

Stop Here for Better Orgasms

In my private practice, I receive many inquiries from men asking for advice on how to last longer in bed. And though most women I talk to aren't looking for marathon-length sessions, we do appreciate the option to take our time and enjoy the experience. Learning to control your orgasm (for both men and women) is not only empowering, but can deepen sexual and orgasmic response. This is the first in a three-part mini series on making sex last longer.

The Stop-Start Method is a simple, sensual and orgasm-intensifying approach to lasting longer in bed. It simply entails doing whatever you love to do and stopping just before the point-of-no-return (or the point of ejaculatory inevitability for men). You don't have to stop stimulating your partner or yourself, but do stop performing the particular activity that makes you feel like cumming.

For example, if you're having penetrative intercourse, pull out (or have your partner pull out) and engage in some breast...

This post is intended for those over the age of 18. If you're not yet 18, please visit Scarleteen for some great resources on sexuality.

No two bodies are the same and accordingly, no two penises, balls or prostates are identical in their sexual response. Even those who know exactly what brings them to the height of ecstasy admit that their needs change with...well, the wind. Mood, time elapsed since last sexual encounter, stress, energy levels and a host of other factors influence what feels good during oral sex for both men and women. So the techniques I outline below are merely suggestions and certainly not a recipe for the perfect blow job. Play with them, have fun and ask your partner for feedback to find out what they love and enjoy the process.

If anyone else has suggestions, please add them to the list! Here are just a few thoughts on blow jobs as a sneak peek into my workshops and video courses...

1. Consider massaging their thighs and lower...

This post is intended for those over the age of 18. If you are not yet 18 years of age, please visit www.sexetc.org

After several days of celebrating, touring and pleasuring the female form, a few men expressed concerns that my work was biased toward female pleasure. No way! But by the end of the Blow Job Workshop, they were singing a very different tune; they retracted their concerns of female-bias and couples left equipped with a wide range of fun sexual techniques to practice, modify and build upon. I share just a few from the Fun With Fellatio session below...

General Tips:

1. Change positions often to avoid cramping, vary your angle of contact and alter sensations.
2. Alternate between your hands, lips, tongue, nose, chin, chest and anything else you can think of to avoid tiring and jaw aches.
3. Use lots of lube. Saliva is great, but a water-based lube can be tasty, long lasting and provide a more slippery, fun surface.
4. Pay attention to the scrotum (the sac containing the testicles),...

The following post is intended for those over the age of 18. If you are not yet 18, please access www.sexualityandu.com for accurate sex information.

This is the workshop for which I received the most thanks from the female attendees. Going down on a woman can be a wonderful source of pleasure for all parties involved and we can all use a few suggestions to improve our repertoire. I list a few tidbits below and welcome your recommendations and feedback. General Suggestions:

1. Communication is of utmost importance for mutual enjoyment. Ask your partner what she likes and welcome her reactions.
2. A good partner is eager to offer constructive feedback and show appreciation for her partner's efforts.
3. Safer sex practices for cunnilingus involve the use of barrier methods such as dental dams.
4. For increased sensation and pleasure, apply water-based lubricant to both sides of the dental dam.
5. Consider pleasuring and teasing her entire body before proceeding to her vulva. See my previous post on...

This post is intended for those over the age of 18. If you are not yet 18, please visit www.spiderbytes.ca for reliable information on human sexuality.

This was by far my favourite session at Desire and I'm happy to share an excerpt from it below. This post just addresses a few vulva caress techniques, but in the workshops we discussed and explored the female body from head to toe with many exciting stops in between.

Let's begin with the Clitoris, which is more than the myth of a "tiny pea-sized bump rich in nerve endings" as it is often described in medical and anatomical texts. It is actually a complex system of over eighteen parts that are similar to the penis. Rebecca Chalker, author of The Clitoral Truth, explains that the penis is actually derived from the female sex organs which undergo change at about eight weeks in utero. Included in this complex system are:

Glans (or head, which is often referred to as the clitoris)

Hood (which covers the glans and may provide indirect...

This post is intended for those over the age of 18. If you are not yet 18, please visit www.spiderbytes.ca for reliable information on human sexuality.

As part of my initiation into the field of international sexology, I hosted the first set of human sexuality workshops at Desire Resort and Spa this month and they were a huge success. Participants were mostly couples, but a few singles attended the Hand Job session armed with a handy cucumber for practice. I had planned to provide dildos, but was warned that I may not make it through Mexican customs with 50 silicone penises. Given the red-light, green-light selection process at the Cancun airport Customs desk, I'm glad I was forewarned.

As promised, I share a few techniques from the workshop below. Bear in mind that the best sex is always subjective and these are just a few ideas to get you started...or keep you coming. Play with these a little, change their names and adapt them to suit what feels best for you.

Basic hand job tips:

Cock Rings can be lots of fun for both men and women and despite their namesake, you don’t need to have penis to use them. Yay!

Cock rings are designed to be worn around the base of the penis and/or behind the scrotum (the sac containing the testicles); the pressure provided by cock rings can be pleasurable and they promote longer-lasting, harder erections. However, as they come with various attachments, they can be used for a variety of purposes.

Some rings are textured, ribbed or include a vibrating portion designed to stimulate a partner’s clitoris or prostate. These make for fun finger toys as well. Just slip them on your finger(s) and massage the vulva, anus, vagina or any other body part of your choice. If introducing the cock ring to your partner seems intimidating, you may start by using it as a finger ring first. Textured rings can make for some fancy, fingering fun!

Some cock rings are made of flexible material that can be stretched onto a hard or soft penis...

This post is intended for those over the age of 18. If you are not yet 18, please visit www.spiderbytes.ca for reliable information on human sexuality.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste – especially when it comes to sex. The brain is not usually what comes to mind when we think about sex organs, but it has the potential to be our most powerful tool for accessing mind-blowing sex.

From a physiological standpoint, the mind controls our sexual response through its interplay with and interpretation of the autonomic nervous system. This system controls involuntary sexual responses and induces relaxation and arousal. But enough abut the science of it…

Our minds allow us to fantasize about anything – even the impossible or seemingly unattainable. And fantasies are healthy and normal. A good fantasy can be better than physical sex, because we’re in control of every last detail and can force events to play out perfectly to our liking. Unlike physical sex,...

I recently hosted a training session on enhancing and supporting the sex lives of people living with HIV/Aids. Part of the workshop involved driving home the message that sex encompasses a wide range of amazingly pleasurable activities beyond plain old intercourse. While intercourse (of many varieties) can be awesome, we limit our potential for pleasure when we restrict sex to intercourse alone.

There are so many wonderful reasons to expand our sexual repertoire and potential beyond the confines of intercourse:

1. Pleasure – lots of things feel so good!
2. Safety – some activities reduce the risk of pregnancy and STI infection.
3. Excitement – it’s fun and stimulating to try new things.
4. Intimacy building – some activities are more likely to facilitate bonding between partners
5. Self-expression.
6. Variety – it’s the spice of life and repetition can get boring.
7. Learning – sex for educational purposesJ
8. Orgasms – they can be experienced...