Couple's Workshop #2: Touring the Clit

This post is intended for those over the age of 18. If you are not yet 18, please visit www.spiderbytes.ca for reliable information on human sexuality.

This was by far my favourite session at Desire and I'm happy to share an excerpt from it below. This post just addresses a few vulva caress techniques, but in the workshops we discussed and explored the female body from head to toe with many exciting stops in between.

Let's begin with the Clitoris, which is more than the myth of a "tiny pea-sized bump rich in nerve endings" as it is often described in medical and anatomical texts. It is actually a complex system of over eighteen parts that are similar to the penis. Rebecca Chalker, author of The Clitoral Truth, explains that the penis is actually derived from the female sex organs which undergo change at about eight weeks in utero. Included in this complex system are:

Glans (or head, which is often referred to as the clitoris)

Hood (which covers the glans and may provide indirect pleasurable stimulation of the glans)

Shaft (a cord-like structure beneath the hood that swells during excitement)

Bulbs (erectile tissue similar to the bulb of the penis)

Crura (part of the corpora cavernosa that fill with blood and become erect - these are the same structures that allow for penile erection)

Blood vessels and nerves - lots of them!

Three layers of muscle

Urethral sponge - site of the G-Spot

The clitoris is the only organ in the human body designed solely for the purpose of pleasure and this pleasure can be aroused in a wide variety of ways. While one woman may love direct clitoral glans stimulation, another may find the glans too sensitive to be touched during arousal. The only way to know what your partners enjoy is to ask them; in exchange for your genuine desire to please, they should offer constructive and appreciate feedback.

Now that we've cleared that up, let's cover a few techniques that can be used during a vulva caress. Rather than simply thrusting your finger(s) into her vagina, consider a range of activities to explore areas that have a far greater capacity for sexual pleasure than the interior vaginal walls. As with all sexual activity, it is ideal to ask for verbal permission to proceed with each new adventure.

The Lip Liner:

1. Position yourself comfortably between her legs while she lays on her back.
2. Apply lots of lube to your hands. See www.aqualaria.com for tasty organic lube.
3. Use your lubricated index finger to slowly and gently trace a line from her belly button down against her lips and back to her anus.
4. Start with your left index finger and trace along the side of her left outer labia (lip) and back up to her belly button.
5. Use your right index finger to trace along the side of her right outer labia (lip) and then back up to her belly button.
6. Take your time and repeat brushing against her inner labia.
7. Use both hands to draw gentle lines on both sides and observe which areas elicit the greatest response. Ask her for feedback as necessary.
8. Alternatively, you can straddle her upper abdomen with your back toward her face and draw lines in the opposite direction (beginning at the anus and ending at her bellybutton).

The Licking Hand

1. This is the same technique described in the Hand Job workshop.
2. Soak your hand in lube and pretend to lick gently around her inner thighs, perineum, pubic mound and vulva.
3. Use two hands to mimic several tongues and paint circles, figure eights and W's.
4. Gently use your "tongue" to pull up on the skin above her clitoral hood and release to give the glans and shaft a stroking massage.

The Vee-Jay-Jay

1. Position yourself between her legs and apply lots of lube to your fingers.
2. Form a "V" with your index and middle fingers and begin with this "V" at the very top of her vulva; the vertex/bottom of the "V" should begin just above the top of her clitoral hood.
3. Slowly pull the "V" downward applying medium-pressure and close your fingers together gradually as you reach the bottom of her labia. She may like you to gently squeeze her lips together between your index and middle fingers.
4. When you reach the bottom and your fingers are together, slide upward and open them again into the "V" position.
5. Repeat and consider changing positions to perform an inverted "V" stroke. This will allow your fingers to close around the clitoral hood and glans if she is comfortable with direct stimulation.
6. Alternatively, you can add your ring finger to form a "W".

Cross My Fingers

1. Apply lots of lube to your fingers.
2. Cross your index and middle fingers on one hand with your palm facing down. You can use your other hand to rub her thighs, breasts, hands, bellybutton or any other body part she might enjoy.
3. Gently insert your crossed fingers into her vagina and slowly rotate your hand so your palm faces upward.
4. As you pull out, you may want to gently stroke her clitoral glans or hood with your lubricated thumb, which should be on top once the palm is facing up.

These are just a few thoughts to get you started. Experiment and modify these suggestions to make them your own and take lots of time to allow your arousal and intimacy to develop to new heights. As always, practice safer sex and have fun doing it!