Lasting Longer in Bed: The Stop-Start Method

In my private practice, I receive many inquiries from men asking for advice on how to last longer in bed. And though most women I talk to aren't looking for marathon-length sessions, we do appreciate the option to take our time and enjoy the experience. Learning to control your orgasm (for both men and women) is not only empowering, but can deepen sexual and orgasmic response. This is the first in a three-part mini series on making sex last longer.

The Stop-Start Method is a simple, sensual and orgasm-intensifying approach to lasting longer in bed. It simply entails doing whatever you love to do and stopping just before the point-of-no-return (or the point of ejaculatory inevitability for men). You don't have to stop stimulating your partner or yourself, but do stop performing the particular activity that makes you feel like cumming.

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For example, if you're having penetrative intercourse, pull out (or have your partner pull out) and engage in some breast play, oral sex,...

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Last Longer in Bed: The Stop-Start Method

Stop Here for Better Orgasms

In my private practice, I receive many inquiries from men asking for advice on how to last longer in bed. And though most women I talk to aren't looking for marathon-length sessions, we do appreciate the option to take our time and enjoy the experience. Learning to control your orgasm (for both men and women) is not only empowering, but can deepen sexual and orgasmic response. This is the first in a three-part mini series on making sex last longer.

The Stop-Start Method is a simple, sensual and orgasm-intensifying approach to lasting longer in bed. It simply entails doing whatever you love to do and stopping just before the point-of-no-return (or the point of ejaculatory inevitability for men). You don't have to stop stimulating your partner or yourself, but do stop performing the particular activity that makes you feel like cumming.

For example, if you're having penetrative intercourse, pull out (or have your partner pull out) and engage in some breast...

Continue Reading...

Blow Job Tips

This post is intended for those over the age of 18. If you're not yet 18, please visit Scarleteen for some great resources on sexuality.

No two bodies are the same and accordingly, no two penises, balls or prostates are identical in their sexual response. Even those who know exactly what brings them to the height of ecstasy admit that their needs change with...well, the wind. Mood, time elapsed since last sexual encounter, stress, energy levels and a host of other factors influence what feels good during oral sex for both men and women. So the techniques I outline below are merely suggestions and certainly not a recipe for the perfect blow job. Play with them, have fun and ask your partner for feedback to find out what they love and enjoy the process.

If anyone else has suggestions, please add them to the list! Here are just a few thoughts on blow jobs as a sneak peek into my workshops and video courses...

  1. Consider massaging their thighs and lower...
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Fun With Fellatio

Here are a few general tips from the Fun With Fellatio session below...

  • Change positions often to avoid cramping, vary your angle of contact and alter sensations.
  • Alternate between your hands, lips, tongue, nose, chin, chest and anything else you can think of to avoid tiring and jaw aches.
  • Use lots of lube. Saliva is great, but a water-based lube can be tasty, long lasting and provide a more slippery, fun surface.
  • Pay attention to the scrotum (the sac containing the testicles), perineum, thighs and anus if your partner enjoys this type of stimulation.
  • Partners: offer constructive feedback and lots of appreciation to let them know that you love it; if you're uncomfortable expressing how you feel with words, consider facial expressions, gestures and sounds of pleasure.
  • Safer oral sex includes the use of condoms. Practice putting it on with your lips and tongue!

The Tease

  1. Use your lubricated hands, moist lips, wet tongue and/or lubricated chest to softly caress his entire body,...
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Vulva & Clitoris Pleasure Techniques

This post is a continuation from here...

Let's cover a few techniques that can be used during a vulva caress. Rather than simply thrusting your finger(s) into their vagina, consider a range of activities to explore areas that have a far greater capacity for sexual pleasure than the interior vaginal walls. As with all sexual activity, it is ideal to ask for verbal permission to proceed with each new adventure.

The Lip Liner

  1. Position yourself comfortably between her legs while she lays on her back.
  2. Apply lots of lube to your hands. See Astroglide for tasty lube.
  3. Use your lubricated index finger to slowly and gently trace a line from her belly button down against her lips and back to her anus.
  4. Start with your left index finger and trace along the side of her left outer labia (lip) and back up to her belly button.
  5. Use your right index finger to trace along the side of her right outer labia (lip) and then back up to her belly button.
  6. Take your time and repeat brushing against her...
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Anatomy of the Clitoris

This was by far my favourite session at Desire and I'm happy to share an excerpt from it below. This post just addresses a few vulva caress techniques, but in the workshops we discussed and explored the female body from head to toe with many exciting stops in between.

Let's begin with the Clitoris, which is more than the myth of a "tiny pea-sized bump rich in nerve endings" as it is often described in medical and anatomical texts. It is actually a complex system of over eighteen parts that are similar to the penis. Rebecca Chalker, author of The Clitoral Truth, explains that the penis is actually derived from the female sex organs which undergo change at about eight weeks in utero. Included in this complex system are:

Glans (or head, which is often referred to as the clitoris)

Hood (which covers the glans and may provide indirect pleasurable stimulation of the glans)

Shaft (a cord-like structure beneath the hood that swells during excitement)

Bulbs (erectile tissue similar to...

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Hand Job Techniques

This post is continued from a previous post here...

As promised, I share a few techniques from my workshop Desire Resort. Bear in mind that the best sex is always subjective and these are just a few ideas to get you started...or keep you coming. Play with these a little, change their names and adapt them to suit what feels best for you.

Possible positions:

Rear View: Kneel over his abdomen with your back toward his face

Director's Chair: Kneel between his legs as he sits upright on a chair

Easy Access: Kneel/lay between his legs as he lays on his back

 

Try a few of these moves and let me know what you think!

The Licking Hand:

The Licking Hand is a nice way to get started and is really simple:

  1. Use a flat, super-lubricated hand to simulate a licking tongue. Consider blindfolding him and using two licking hands to simulate a fun threesome.
  2. Gently lick/paint the shaft, balls, head and inner thighs.

The Grand Slam Breakfast: pancakes, syrup and freshly-squeezed OJ:

  1. Apply lots of...
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Basic Hand Job Tips

As part of my initiation into the field of international sexology, I hosted the first set of human sexuality workshops at Desire Resort and Spa this month and they were a huge success. Participants were mostly couples, but a few singles attended the Hand Job session armed with a handy cucumber for practice. I had planned to provide dildos, but was warned that I may not make it through Mexican customs with 50 silicone penises. Given the red-light, green-light selection process at the Cancun airport Customs desk, I'm glad I was forewarned.

As promised, I share a few techniques from the workshop below. Bear in mind that the best sex is always subjective and these are just a few ideas to get you started...or keep you coming. Play with these a little, change their names and adapt them to suit what feels best for you.

Basic hand job tips:

  1. Change positions often to avoid cramping.
  2. Use lots and lots of lube. Check out www.GoodVibes.com for a yummy selection of the good stuff.
  3. Apply...
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