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via GIPHY

In the past few weeks, I’ve heard three men (two clients and one friend) comment that “women are hard work” when it comes to sex. Each of these statements was framed as bit of a concern with regard to how much romancing, seduction and stimulation is required for women to experience both sexual desire and orgasm. I think this is an interesting observation shared by a number of men and I have a few thoughts on the topic…

I write (and teach) a lot about all the work that goes into sexual relationships as well as the need to cultivate desire and work for sexual arousal — and though both women and men generally require both physical (body-based) and subjective (mind-based) arousal to enjoy sex, it is possible that my work (and that of others in this field) emphasizes the need to work up and arouse women more so than men. So it follows that people may be left with the impression that women are more “work” than men when it comes to sex.

Now I...

Sex is Healthy. But it's also healthy to not experience sexual attraction.

In my business, we talk a lot about being sex-positive. This means that we see sex as a natural, healthy part of human life and that we're open to a range of interests, tastes, desires and behaviours. We try not to judge others based on their unique sexual inclinations and we believe in sexual rights -- including the right to accurate information, the right to engage in consensual activities and the right to enjoy sexual fantasies.

But this doesn't mean that we believe that people ought to engage in sexual activities or that they must have sexual fantasies if these things don't seem desirable or even natural. Each person's interest in sex varies over time with age, lifestyle, health, stress, partners, peers and a confluence of other factors. And some people do not experience sexual attraction at all -- some research suggests that approximately one percent of the population is asexual. But what does this mean?...

Breasts! Also referred to as ta tas, love pillows, boobies, titties and melons, breasts are often at the forefront of sex play and are lovely, beautiful parts of the female body.

We hear a lot about breast health and the importance of checking them regularly as part of the breast cancer screening process and this message is of paramount importance, so please do be sure to check your breasts.

There is, however, a lot more to our mammary glands than health and cancer prevention alone. Here are a few fun breast facts:

• Size doesn’t matter when it comes to sexual pleasure. Breasts come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, colours and even textures and while women’s breasts seem to be growing (likely due to body weight increases), breast size does not impact a woman’s experience of physical pleasure. One factor that does seem to influence sensitivity and pleasure is the menstrual cycle and fluctuating
hormone levels with many women reporting greater sensitivity...

How do you know if you're ready?

What a great question! But the only person who can really provide an answer is you. If you feel ready, willing and prepared and have taken some time to consider how you feel, then you may very well be ready. If you feel unsure of your preparedness, then you should probably wait until you feel more comfortable.

I wish I could tell you that 5.6 dates or 904 minutes of dating-time means that you're ready to hop in the sack, but the reality is that every person and every situation is unique. It shouldn't matter what everyone else is doing (forget about that so-called third date rule), because your body is your own and you have to choose to do (or not do) as you feel fit.

As a sexologist, I advocate for sexual rights, health, education and pleasure and spending a lot of time talking about the many upsides of sexual activity. I also provide education to reduce the potential risks associated with sex and embracing a sex-positive approach. This in no way...

Real Aphrodisiacs

Combining food and sex really is the ultimate indulgence. Just ask George Costanza. And if a pastrami on rye sandwich isn't exactly what you have in mind when it comes to sensual eating, a new study may offer some tips on how to add a little sugar and spice to your sex life.

A Canadian review of 150 international studies found that saffron, the world's most expensive spice, has been shown to enhance sexual performance and satisfaction. Maybe this is why saffron couscous is so tasty! Panax ginseng (or Korean ginseng) may also offer sex benefits by improving erectile functioning in men and arousal frequency in women.

Other spice rack staples like cloves, sage and nutmeg may also enhance sexual stimulation. And though the lab experiments with these threespices with rats have yet to be replicated in humans, I'm now beginning to understand why my local grocery stores always seem to be sold out of sage...and apple pie.

For an oral approach to boosting your libido, you...

If You Don't Use It, You Lose It

Whether you're looking to last longer or just heighten your sexual experience, pelvic floor exercises are every sex-lover's best friend. Not only do they lead to more powerful orgasms, but they can also optimize sexual arousal, response, functioning and orgasmic control by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region and toning the muscles that support the pelvic organs and stabilize the core muscles.

The pelvic floor includes the two layers of muscles that sling from the tailbone in the back to the pubic bone in the front. To practice pelvic floor exercises, you first have to learn to recognize and isolate the muscles. There are a few ways to do this:

1. While peeing, stop the flow of urine. If you're able to interrupt its flow, you are contracting your pelvic floor muscles. You should feel a pulling-up sensation as opposed to the feeling of bearing down used during a bowel movement. (Though you can use this technique to learn to identify your pelvic...

New relationship sex and sex-on-the-fly may burn up your sheets, but as routine and increased comfort levels settle in it can be hard to keep things hot in the bedroom. What’s a frisky girl to do? Try out these strategies to reignite your sex life and feel free to share your own with the lisaliving community.

One easy way to keep sex hot and keep your partner guessing is to initiate sex in unexpected locations. Leave the boring old bedroom behind and surprise your partner at work, in the shower, at the theatre, in the car, at the dinner table or in the kitchen. Obviously take the necessary safety precautions, think beyond intercourse and be aware of the laws in your area. Nothing turns a sweet sex session sour faster than a visit from the local authorities or a trip to the emergency room – trust me on this one.

Another simple way to make relationship sex hotter is to play with your timing. Instead of having sex right before you nod off to sleep, try it out in the morning...

Orgasm is the stage of human sexual response which is often marked by a release of tension and heightened sexual pleasure.

Orgasms usually involve involuntary muscle spasms, blood flow to the genitals, heightened sensitivity, increased heart rates and hormone release. They may also include ejaculation in both men and women, a visible sex flush and a subsequent state of deep relaxation.

Though often a highpoint of sexual activity, an orgasm should not necessarily be the primary aim, as goal-oriented sex often cultivates unnecessary pressure that detracts from the overall experience. Each woman experiences orgasms differently and no two orgasmic encounters will ever be the same. Some orgasms feel like a gentle flutter or tickle while others may be described as a tremendous release.

I advise clients to experiment with orgasms on their own to become comfortable with their natural response, which may include an infinite range of facial expressions, gestures, movements, change in...

Open Relationships and Why People Are Trying Them Out

While many young men and women may dream of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right and living happily ever after in monogamous bliss, others cannot fathom the thought of remaining sexually exclusive 'til death do them part. Sexually open (also called non-monogamous) relationships are not new, but they do seem to be appearing in popular culture more often as of late.

From Angelina Jolie to Will Smith, many celebrities are rumoured to be enjoying the freedom afforded by sexual non-exclusivity.

Open relationships come in many forms and there is no universal definition. Some people may consider themselves swingers (couples who swap partners with other couples) and others embrace polyamory (the practice of loving more than one person at a time). Even these categories encompass an almost infinite variety of arrangements. Each couple, triad or group has its own set of arrangements and limitations.

What all (good) non-monogamous relationships have in...