How To Master Phone Sex

I was recently asked to answer some questions about phone sex and thought I'd share my thoughts with you on the blog as well. Check out the Q&A and my top tips for dirty talk (on the phone or in-person) below.

If someone wants to have phone sex but feels a little awkward about it, how might they make themselves more comfortable?

• Change your tone and volume. Oftentimes, it’s less about what you say and more about how you say it.
• Try muffling your sounds with your fingers loosely placed over your microphone.
• Lower your voice.
• Speak more slowly.

Ask questions:
 

• What are you doing?
• What do you want to do?
• What do you want to hear?
• How can I please you?

Practice talking dirty in person. And remember that dirty talk can be romantic, playful, teasing, descriptive inquisitive, sweet, ego-stroking and more — it doesn’t always have to be raunchy.

Some additional dirty talk tips from the New Sex Bible:

Start Small. When you’re ready, toss in a few words and short phrases ranging from “Yes!,” “More!,” and “Ahhh” to “Whoa!,” “Wow,” and “Fuck yeah!” Use language that comes naturally to you, as opposed to repeating what you have seen in films or read online. And since dirty talk goes both ways, use a few simple lines to develop greater comfort as you explore your lover’s body: “Do you like that?” “Where do you want it?” “What can I do for you?” “Tell me how you like it.” “Lie back and let me give it to you.”

Indulge Your Sense of Humor. As you integrate dirty talk into your sexual repertoire, remember that it is okay to giggle a little. Obviously you don’t want to laugh at your lover, but having a healthy sense of humor will help to ease the tension when you are experimenting with new language, tone, and subject matter. In fact, using a bit of humor and playfulness may be the ideal approach if talking dirty makes you blush or if you’re worried about how your lover will respond.

Set Ground Rules. If you are going to continue to expand your dirty talk repertoire, chat with your partner ahead of time about topics, fantasies, or words that are off-limits. Each person has their own unique set of limitations and sensitivities. Maybe your partner likes to use the word pussy, but it makes you angry—not a good mood to be in in the sack! Since these sensitivities can change over time, it’s a good idea to revisit your ground rules periodically.

Remember that sex talk isn’t enjoyable to all people, especially those who have survived a sexual hardship. As Dr. Ruth Neustifter (aka Dr. Ruthie) notes, “The purpose of talking dirty is to help you both feel excited and intimate, not to feel awkward or triggered! Explicit language can be fun, but it’s not erotic for everyone, and that’s okay.”

Experiment with Variety. Dirty talk comes in many forms, so experiment with a variety of styles to find the ones that suit you both best. Whether you prefer to be romantic, alluring, teasing, aggressive, demanding, responsive, descriptive, naughty, instructive, ego-stroking, or fantastical is entirely up to you!

Play with these lines on your own in front of the mirror or while masturbating as you get comfortable with your own personal style:

Styles of Dirty Talk

How might someone mention to a partner that they’re interested in trying phone sex?

• While you’re together, compliment their voice. Let them know how turned on you are by their tone and all the naughty whispers.
• Send them a text noting how much you miss the sound of their breath and voice.
• Tease them over the phone to let them know what you’re thinking about.
• Answer the phone in a sexy voice to inspire ongoing flirtation.