Part II

In the first part of this series, I suggested that you schedule sex in order to reignite that sexual spark...sort of. The exercise actually involved finding a balance between spontaneity and planning and you can revisit this challenge here.

Your second task, Why Do I Love You Again?, involves a trip down memory lane. It’s a simple way to revisit and reignite the attraction and excitement you experienced when you first met.

Set aside 40 minutes along with your lover and ensure that you eliminate all potential distractions. I know it’s tough, but this is a partnered exercise and isn’t intended for the wide world of social media, so shut down your devices and take some time to slow down. I didn’t believe it myself until I tried it, but somehow the Twitter-verse manages to survive without us while we take time to recharge.

You can complete this exercise one of two ways: take turns answering the following questions face-to-face or if you prefer, you can...

Part I

If you find that the sexual spark has faded with time, you’re not alone. Every relationship will experience its share of ups and downs and this is a good thing. You can’t always be on a sexual high, as even a plateau can become monotonous without change.

For the next 3 weeks, I’ll be outlining one suggested change you can make to kick-start your sex life and reignite the spark in your relationship.

Your first task: Schedule sex secretly.

You’ve probably heard that scheduling sex is essential for busy couples, but my clients complain that pencilling in time for sex detracts from the thrill of spontaneity. In response to their feedback (and eye rolling), I now ask each partner to secretly schedule sex at a time that will most likely accommodate both of their schedules.

This means that rather than designating Wednesday night as date night, each person plans to initiate sex once per week. They decide in advance when and how they’re going to do so and...

We are a culture consumed by numbers. We just love to measure, count and quantify everything: money, cars, homes, dates, waistlines, trophies, Facebook friends, minutes, miles per gallon, calories. So it should come as no surprise that lovers are no exception.

While counting partners may seem like no big deal, the associated pressure and judgment (from both ourselves and others) is often an unnecessary problem.

Last year, a British website released the Sex Degrees of Separation Calculator designed to compute the number of indirect sexual partners based on a user’s age, gender and sexual history. The online calculator estimated that the average Brit had “indirect sex” with just under 3 million people! While the tool’s intention was to encourage safer sex, the public outcry in response to the results indicated that we are both obsessed and highly uncomfortable with the idea of having many sexual partners.

So what should you do when a new love interest asks you...

Instead of comparing ourselves to porn stars (actors) and fictional characters, a little re-education is all we need to feel more empowered and have better sex. Read on as we dispel some of the top myths about the female orgasm.

The female orgasm is a wondrous thing, but when it comes to understanding the phenomenon, misinformation abounds. From the exaggerated displays in mainstream porn to the sure-fire simultaneous and almost non-stop orgasms of Fifty Shades of Grey, it’s no surprise that confusion and feelings of inadequacy have become the norm.

Instead of comparing ourselves to porn stars (actors) and fictional characters, a little re-education is all we need to feel more empowered and have better sex. Read on as we dispel some of the top myths about the female orgasm.

Myth: The louder the screams, the bigger the orgasm.

Thanks to the fact that most of us learn what sex looks and sounds like through porn, we are misled into believing that earth-shattering screams are a...

Breasts! Also referred to as ta tas, love pillows, boobies, titties and melons, breasts are often at the forefront of sex play and are a lovely, beautiful part of the female body.

We hear a lot about breast health and the importance of checking them regularly as part of the breast cancer screening process and this message is of paramount importance, so please do be sure to check your breasts.

There is, however, a lot more to our mammary glands than health and cancer prevention alone. Here are a few fun breast facts:

•Size doesn’t matter when it comes to sexual pleasure. Breasts come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, colours and even textures and while women’s breasts seem to be getting bigger (likely due to body weight increases), breast size does not impact a woman’s experience of physical pleasure. One factor that does seem to influence sensitivity and pleasure is the menstrual cycle and fluctuating hormone levels with many women reporting greater...

The Partner Interview

I love my job! As a sexologist, I work with thousands of clients each year to support them in building happy, healthy relationships and sex lives.

One of the best parts of my work involves facilitating workshops for couples. From the chilly Great White North to the sunny shores of the Caribbean, I teach classes on everything from sexual communication and trust to kink and sexual technique. Since the most rewarding part of running workshops is the feedback I receive from clients, I thought I’d share an exercise that always receives rave reviews: The Partner Interview.

This exercise involves a very simple set of questions that you take turn answering with your lover. Here are just a few reasons why my clients and I love it:

1.You can repeat it every few months and learn something new every time.

2.It opens up new conversations.

3.You can add your own questions to suit your personal needs.

4.Even if you don’t use all the information right away,...

From Saturday Night Live to feminist organizations, everyone has taken a turn poking fun at Fifty Shades of Grey. But literary and cultural criticisms aside, E.L. James’ so-called mommy-porn has taken the book world by storm. And with talks of Harry Potter star Emma Watson being cast as protagonist Anastasia Steele in the upcoming movie version of the book, the Fifty Shades phenomenon seems to have some serious staying power.

But what makes James’ work so appealing? And why do women opt for the written word while men choose visual stimuli like Playboy?

Read on to find out why stories are more arousing than pictures and how reading Fifty Shades of Grey can jump-start your sex life.

Saucy stories leave lots to the imagination!

You’ve probably heard that men are more visual than women when it comes to sex, but this isn’t necessarily the case. Women are visual creatures too, but sometimes we like to envision our own version of events and people.

Carlyle Jansen,...

We all know that size doesn’t matter…at least when it comes to change. Small changes can have a huge impact on your sex life, so commit to making one minor change per week to keep things hot and steamy in (and out of) the bedroom.

I describe 3 simple changes below:

Change your timing

Nighttime sex can get boring. Even worse — it can become non-existent. With our hectic schedules, multiple responsibilities and spiking stress levels, we’re often too tired for sex after a long hard day. If you find yourself choosing sleep over sex, but you’re still longing for a little action, try being sexual at a different time of day.

Morning sex is a great way to start your day as you take advantage of higher testosterone levels after a good night’s sleep. And since sex can burn calories and give you a healthy glow, taking advantage of that morning wood is healthy too.

A little afternoon delight is another good option if you can slip away from...

Getting over your ex is never easy and when there is cheating involved in your break-up, it only complicates matters. It’s normal to feel a torrent of emotions ranging from deep sadness to full-on rage and many people find that a cheating ex can adversely impact their self-confidence. But the effects don’t have to be long-lasting. In fact, since you’ve already broken up, you’ve taken the most important and difficult step toward moving on. Now all you have to do, is take care of yourself and look toward your sunny and sexy future!

Read on for tips and advice from women who say they’re totally over their cheating exes.

Make it a clean break.

Thirty-three year-old Denise* insists that this is a non-negotiable and the experts tend to agree. If you’re going to get over a break-up, you need time to heal and continue to grow on your own. This doesn’t mean that you have to pretend that your ex has vanished off the face of the Earth, but you...

Part One

Despite what the spammers who clog my junk-mail box may believe, I’m not a believer in miracle pills and quick-fixes to sex problems — and believe it or not, I don’t want to add inches or last longer. Really! All jokes aside, the truth is that a hot sex life takes work and you can’t resolve deep-rooted issues overnight. However, the power of the mind is quite exceptional and my clients report higher levels of sexual self-confidence and ultimately, intensified sexual experiences after completing the exercise outlined below.

Make a list of your sexual strengths.

From your technical prowess and hot physical features to your sexual energy and top-notch attitude, a little positive sexual self-talk can go a long way. Even my clients who feel sexually lost can identify some of their strengths that make them sexually strong. A few of the creative and empowering items, I’ve seen on my clients’ lists include:

• Great hair
• Strong endurance...