Why you may not want to follow your ex.

Some people find that social media serves as a positive distraction and source of support after a breakup. For example, it is now easier to reconnect with old friends and ask for affirming messages online. This morning, one of my clients was feeling down and asked friends to share uplifting messages; funny GIFs, thoughtful memes and adorable animal videos poured in to boost her mood and served as a reminder of all the people who are willing to offer support from a distance.

Others, of course, find that social media connections are more distracting and frustrating after a breakup. You might see photos of your ex having a great time or enjoying themselves with mutual friends. You might feel resentful that shared friends are seemingly more engaged with your ex’s posts than your own. And of course, your ex might post evidence that they’ve moved on more quickly than you have and this can further intensify the suffering that results from...

It's time to feature another Sexuality Superhero! This week, our Sexuality Superhero is: Estrella Jaramillo. Estrella is a sexual health advocate who's goal is to help women become more educated about sex, communication and intimacy. She is also the co-founder of B-wom. Happy reading!

Tell us a little bit about yourself, and why you decided to work in this industry?

I’ve always felt passionate about gender equality issues, and for women’s health and sexual equanimity are at the core of truly achieving equality. Women’s desires, sexuality and ambition have been oppressed as a means to control them and maintain the status quo. My work in the industry is my contribution to change this. When women have access to education, tools and resources to take care of their bodies, specifically their intimate health, they are empowered to always feel their best at every stage of life - A woman who fully owns her body, fully owns her life.

What is the best part of the job?

...

Communication is essential to a lasting relationship, but simply opening your mouth and letting the words flow out doesn’t amount to effective communication. Communication involves both talking and active listening. And purposeful conversations about intense topics tend to be more fruitful than responsive ones.

If you want to make it in the long-run and have a fulfilling relationship, have conversations that make you feel uncomfortable. Consider the following topics:

Kids

Parenting is a source of fulfillment and conflict in relationships and it often starts before the kids arrive. You’ll want to discuss a wide range of questions and scenarios in advance so that you can discuss contentious topics without the pressure of a crying baby in the next room. Some questions to consider: How many kids do you want (if any)? When will you want to start trying? Or would you rather adopt? If you don’t get pregnant after a year, what methods would you consider? If you’re...

It's time to feature another Sexuality Superhero. This week, our Sexuality Superhero is: Marla Renee Stewart. Aside from her work as a sexologist and sex educator, Marla keeps busy by organizing events and conferences which focus on sex education and health. Happy reading!

How did you find yourself working in sexuality?

In college, I found that I was the go-to person for all things sexually-related. I loved studying sexuality and this really enabled me to connect with most people. The one thing that propelled me in this field was the fact that many of my friends were having sex, but weren't having orgasms and I found myself to be frustrated about this and really wanting to change this; I found it to be a huge problem. I believe that harvesting your sexual energy is one of the best things that you can do, but having an orgasm is truly a gift from the universe. It is so healing in so many different ways and I truly feel that if we have more love and more sex in the...

It's time to feature another Sexuality Superhero. This week, our Sexuality Superhero is: Melissa Pintor Carnagey. Melissa is doing some important sex positive work with individuals, parents and children. Happy reading!

How did you find yourself working in sexuality?

It was literally from a draw of a hat! In 2007 I was in an undergraduate social work class and we had to research a particular population's area resources, statistics, and needs. From a hat, I drew "HIV/AIDS." It was through completing this research project, which included interviewing people working in the field, and learning how disproportionately affected the Black community is that I knew I wanted to be a part of change. I did a year-long internship at an AIDS services organization, which segued into a ten-year career in the field of sexual health. In 2017 I made the leap from working as a consultant with a state agency to being a sex educator in my own business, Sex Positive Families. I've been able to take my...

It's time to feature another Sexuality Superhero. This week, our Sexuality Superhero is: Shamyra Howard. Check out Shamyra's counselling work below, they aim to help individuals improve their sexual wellness and help overcome their issues and needs with intimacy, communication and much more. Happy reading!

How did you find yourself working in sexuality?

I began working in the sexuality field in 2004, as a peer health educator on Southern University's campus. While educating women on campus about STD's/STI's, I discovered that most of the women didn't have basic sexuality knowledge, and were most concerned with preventing pregnancy. That's when I went to work. I began doing my own research, and presenting everywhere. In 2013, I attended Widener University where I gained even more sexuality education.

Today, I work as a Sexologist in my private practice where I specialize in Sex and Relationship Therapy. I also provide sex and intimacy coaching and consulting across the world....

This piece was originally published in Post City Magazines.

In my line of work, I’m privy to an often unsolicited glimpse into the intimate lives of couples from all walks of life. From chatty Uber drivers to long-lost childhood friends, it’s not uncommon for people to open up as soon as they find out what I do for a living. One of the trends I’ve observed in these conversations over the past ten years involves an increase in consensual non-monogamy (CNM). Data from two representative samples of to 8,718 adults suggests that 21% have been in some form of a CNM relationship. And though non-monogamy has always existed in multiple forms (e.g. cheating), it seems that consensual non-monogamy may be on the rise.

Some, like Mandy from Forest Hill, say CNM is a more realistic option given the divorce, infidelity and marital dissatisfaction rates. “I didn't want to be another statistic. After watching my parents and so many of their friends and siblings, I knew there...

We are starting the new year off by showing some love to others in the field. The Sex With Dr. Jess blog will now have a Sexuality Superheros column which will feature experts, educators and influencers alike. We aim to highlight their skills and expertise, and hopefully bring a stronger recognition to their work in the sexual health field. This week, our Sexuality Superhero is: MaryEllen Reider.

How did you find yourself working in sexuality?

Before starting Yarlap^®, I was in Kosovo helping women understand financial issues so they could better help their families. It was an idea that the happier women are, the happier society is.

Reliable information is the pathway for women to make the best choices for themselves, their families, and society. I was looking to empower women, when I was asked if I would contribute my skills to help women empower themselves.

Pelvic wellness is integral to nurturing; it is about continence, posture, sexual expression and...

The holiday season can be a stressful time for many couples, so check out Dr. Jess’ tips to help keep your flame burning as your ring in the new year.

Forego Gift-Giving

Good things may come in small packages, but great things come in the form of our most valuable asset…time. The pressure to choose the perfect gift can detract from the cheer of the season, so trade in time at the mall for quality time spent together.

Take turns planning an intimate date and use these ideas as inspiration:

• Go ice skating hand-in-hand.
• Hit up the tobogganing hill beneath the stars.
• Prepare a private brunch for two.
• Indulge in a spa day.
• Take a holiday cooking class together.
• Snuggle up for an evening of spiked hot cocoa and cheesy holiday movies.
• Go snow tubing!
• Volunteer at a local soup kitchen or “adopt”’ a child and purchase holiday gifts from their wish list.

“Match” Your Family Time

The holidays usually involve a series of gatherings with friends and...

If you’ve fallen for someone after only a few dates and they don’t feel the same way about you, you’re likely feeling hurt, unworthy and in limbo. The pain of unrequited love can feel unbearable even if you’ve only known them for a short period of time.

And while friends and family will gather around to support you through a relationship breakup, they may not be as sympathetic and enthusiastic if you’ve only been on a handful of dates. It follows that you may feel alone and lack the support you need to take care of yourself, remove and move on.

But fear not. I’ve got your back! You will feel better over time and I outline a few perspectives and strategies to help you move on below.

#1. Please rest assured that it’s normal to think about someone you dated for a brief time — especially if you don’t know them well, as we have a tendency to idealize the unknown. You’re normal.

When you first meet a new love interest, you tend...