Do it in the Morning

This Valentine’s Day, kickstart your morning with a passionate lovemaking session and let your intimacy soar alongside levels of your feel-good hormone, oxytocin.

I know. I hear over and over again that most women don’t like morning sex, but there are a number of good reasons to reconsider this timely sex act. Not only are men’s testosterone levels higher in the morning, but physical sensations are often heightened after a good night’s sleep making the body more responsive to touch. Research even suggests that couples who get frisky in the morning are happier and healthier thanks to the cardio workout, improved blood circulation and the palliative effect of orgasm. So this year, trade in the heart-shaped breakfast-in-bed pancakes for a morning quickie that will leave you both feeling refreshed, connected and blissfully in love.

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Abstain

This modern bride’s trick is designed to build anticipation before the big day,...

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What does it mean if I think about someone else during sex? Is fantasizing about a celebrity during sex a form of cheating? Who’s more likely to fantasize about someone other than their partner – women or men? Jess tackles these questions and more in this week’s podcast.

**This transcript is our best automated version of the live podcast.**

Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. This is Jess O’Reilly, your friendly neighbourhood sexologist, and today I am in Phoenix for a cool event Body, Sex & Business and my next stops are in New York and Dallas, so perhaps I’ll see you in your city over the next few days.

This episode is brought to you by Desire Resorts and Cruises. Set sail on a clothing optional experience from Barcelona to Rome with me at the end of April. There are only a handful of cabins left, so get ‘em while the...

Whenever I tell people that I’m from Canada, they often conclude that my career path as a sexologist must be related to the cold Canadian winters. It seems that our neighbours to the south assume that we spend the frigid months frolicking beneath the covers in an attempt to stay warm. Unfortunately for many of us, nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, many of us lose interest in sex during the colder months due to chemical changes in the body that diminish both energy levels and sex drive. Couple this with shorter days and plummeting vitamin D levels that impact our mood and you’ve got a chilly recipe for disaster.

Sex Tips to Fight The Winter Blues

This winter, let’s do our best combat the seasonal sex blues by kicking our sex lives into high gear with these winter sex tips:

Spike your warm drinks! Research suggests that booze (in moderation) is actually good for your sex life. Women who drink moderate...

Valentine’s Day may be a commercial holiday and you’ve probably heard me bemoan the risk of relegating romance and intimacy to one day per year. However, if you like V-day and want to celebrate, that’s all that matters. So here are a few ideas for sexy gifts that won’t break the bank:

• Print some sexy coupons for your partner to redeem at his/her leisure. Some ideas for sexy gifts include erotic massages using body parts other than your hands, “non-reciprocated” oral sex, a candlelit dinner in the nude, chocolate body painting, afternoon delight, a morning quickie, a bondage session and a naked sponge bath. Though this idea is not new, these coupons are great for breaking the ice, initiating sexual activity and introducing new “moves” into your repertoire.
• Watch a full-length erotic/dirty movie together and see how long you can stay focused on the “plot” before being inspired to make your own.
• Surprise your lover by sending...

This morning on Global TV's The Morning Show, Jess addressed some more viewer relationship questions with Jeff McArthur. Check out her expanded notes and video below.

The other day I heard you say that if you’re both willing to go to therapy, it’s a good sign for your relationship. But what if my boyfriend refuses to go? Does that mean that we are incompatible and if so, what can I do?

• You’re not the first person to respond to my statement with the same concern. And I certainly did say that compatibility is a matter of being willing to put in a similar amount of effort (and therapy is one form of putting in effort), but it’s important to note that the way you invest in your relationship may simply be different. You may be more inclined toward working with a therapist and your partner may be more inclined toward working on it in a different way (e.g. workbooks, self-development, non-facilitated conversations as a couple).
• My best advice is to go to therapy on...

1. How often should a couple be having sex/ how often is normal?

• The average is “several times per month to weekly”, but ultimately what works for one couple will not necessarily work for another, so you need to communicate your needs to the each other.
• Sexual frequency is positively correlated with increases in happiness; this relationship is curvilinear maxing out at once per week
• One study found that increasing sexual frequency from once per month to once per week results in a happiness boost equivalent to $50K USD, but I’m more concerned with quality over quantity.

Check out my podcast on sexual frequency here.

2. How important is foreplay?

• All sexual pleasure is “sex”, so the acts that we consider foreplay, including kissing, have the capacity to produce pleasure and connection.

3. For couples who are super busy – is it wrong to schedule sex?

• Scheduling sex is a great idea. Oftentimes if you wait until you’re in the mood for sex,...

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Jess answers your questions about gender roles and rules in the Swinging Lifestyle. She also shares a bit about her own personal experience and unpacks data about consensual non-monogamy. Whether you’re an experienced Swinger, curious about the lifestyle or just wondering what you can learn from consensually non-monogamous relationships, have a listen as Jess differentiates between cheating and CNM relationships.

This podcast episode is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

Being in love can be simultaneously exhilarating, addictive and terrifying. This is because love exposes our most intense passion as well as our most intimate vulnerabilities. The fear of being betrayed, hurt or abandoned is a universal experience and most of us will encounter the impacts of infidelity at some point in our lives directly or indirectly. It follows that trust in intimate relationships is both essential and challenging, as we see the fallout of cheating all around us in the lives of far-off celebrities to our closest friends and family members alike.

But if someone cheats once, are they sure to cheat again? The answer may depend on why they cheated, how they dealt with it, happiness and communication within the relationship and their attachment styles...

Why We Cheat

People cheat for lots of different reasons ranging from boredom and insecurity to lack of intimacy and narcissism. As a partner in a relationship, you can build a healthy bond, foster open...

Today on The Morning Show, Jess fields questions from viewers who are concerned about the state of their relationships. Check out the video and summary notes below.

Zahra from Niagara Falls asks via Twitter DM: I just found out that my husband of twenty-two years has opened a secret bank account. There isn't much money in it, but how do I confront him about this?

• One survey by CreditCards.com found that 5% admit hiding a credit card or bank account. Prevalence increases with age with 11% of boomers reporting hidden accounts, which suggests that this practice may be on the decline.
• Rather than confront him, perhaps you need to ask him why he has opened this account and give him an opportunity to provide some context.
• Before you approach him, think about how this makes you feel so you can articulate your own feelings as opposed to specifically criticizing his actions. For example, do you feel hurt because you perceive it as dishonest? Do you feel scared because money is something...

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This week, OB/GYN and founder of Her Viewpoint, Dr. Jessica Shepherd, is back on the podcast to talk about sex, the vagina, orgasms and more! The pair take listener questions and address the ‘what-ifs’ about sex and the vagina.

Follow Dr. Shepherd on…

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Also, check out Dr. Shepherd at the BlogHer Health event in NYC on January 31st, 2018.