What Sex Positivity Means To Me
Jess was recently interviewed about her understanding and definition of sex-positivity. Check out her thoughts below and please add yours in the comments -- we know we can't possibly have covered every angle and we can all learn from the mind-hive.
1) What is sex-positivity?
Sex positivity involves an attitude and approach to sex that minimizes moral judgments and honours personal agency and preferences.
There are certainly differing definitions of sex-positivity. For example, some people claim to be sex positive, but their definition of moral sex is narrow — they may not sex workers and trans rights. In my opinion, this is not sex positivity — it’s selective sexual freedom.
My understanding of sex positivity includes respect, support and celebration of everything from abstinence to consensual non-monogamy and everything on the edges and in between. There are of course intersectional issues to consider when it comes to sexual agency —...
Sexuality Superheroes: Eliza Boquin
It’s that time of the week again! This week, our Sexuality Superhero is: Eliza Boquin. Eliza is a marriage and family therapist based in Houston, Texas. She combines the practice of traditional therapy with ancient energy healing, delivering effect results and happy clients. Check out her feature below.
How did you find yourself working in sexuality?
During internship, I found that supporting women who were healing from sexual abuse was challenging, but also really rewarding. Helping them heal from trauma & shame was powerful! I was also working with couples who were often struggling to connect sexually. Grad school hadn’t prepared me to help support these challenges and I felt lost when working with them. I wanted to feel more competent, so I opted for sex therapy training at the University of Michigan.
What is the best part of the job?
I get to talk about sex all day! Ha! I’m only partially kidding.
Truly, helping people...
When it Comes to Working Relationships, How Close is Too Close?
Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga performed at the Academy Awards on Sunday night and gossip about their relationship is spreading like wildfire. From Tweeters to other celebrities, folks are insisting that they must be more than friends on account of their chemistry on stage. Jess joined Jeff and Carolyn on Global TV's The Morning Show to discuss. See her segment notes below.
Why are people insisting that they must be sleeping together?
First, let’s remember that they’re actors; they’re acting at an award show that celebrates the best acting in the business. That’s their job and apparently they’re very good at it.
Children can differentiate between make believe and reality when they watch Spiderman scale walls and Vin Diesel tear through the streets like a race car driver. Adults should be able to differentiate between fantasy and reality too — whether they’re watching the oscars or watching porn.
Perhaps people want to believe that Gaga...
Sex-Positive Parenting & How To Talk To Your Kids About Porn
How do you talk to your kids about porn? How do you teach consent from a young age? How do you have awkward conversations about sex? What does it mean to be a sex-positive parent? Melissa Pintor Carnagey joins Jess and Brandon to share her advice and insights on these topics and more.
You can find Melissa online at sexpositivefamilies.com. They have downloadable guides, resources, podcast episodes and blog posts that offer education to help families raise sexually healthy children. One of their most popular resources is our Sex Positive Families Reading List with over 100 curated books about sexual health topics for children and adults of all ages.
Follow Melissa on...
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Check out Jess' thoughts on how to talk to your kids about porn below:
The landscape of sex has changed since we were kids with sexting, mobile porn and social media shaping the way young people learn about sex.
With explicit content at...
Sexuality Superheroes: Reece Malone
This week's Sexuality Superhero is: Reece Malone. Reece is a sexuality star, delivering a wealth of knowledge through his online courses and sexuality consulting. Whether its an individual or a couple, Reece is well-practised in issues dealing with intimacy, sexual satisfaction and so much more! Check out his feature below:
How did you find yourself working in sexuality?
In my youth I was curious about many aspects of culture and society, including sexuality. I didn’t receive any information about the “birds and the bees” from my parents and truly believed that babies came from storks. I also believed that dads can birth kittens and everyone had the capacity to birth a cute pet. At 8 years old, I began asking questions about different aspects of sexuality. A lot of questions. Unfortunately my questions were often met with negativity leaving me with a feeling that I asked something bad. Asking my parents about sex was off the table so I turned elsewhere to find...
Sex & Dating With Herpes
Courtney Brame joins Jess and Brandon to talk about sex, relationships and dating after an STI diagnosis. He shares insights on how to disclose, provides advice on sexual communication and talks about stigma, suicide and self-worth.
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Check out Courtney's podcast, Something Positive for Positive People here.
Jess was also interviewed about the herpes stigma recently and we’ve included the notes from the interview below.
1. Why is there a stigma around herpes?
Sex is stigmatized and so all potentially negative outcomes of sex are intensely stigmatized. The unnecessary suffering that sometimes accompanies herpes is ultimately because of the stigma — not the virus itself.
Herpes seems to hold a special stigma that is not proportionate to its health risk. In terms of health, most people with herpes have nothing to worry about. Outbreaks are often rare, decrease with time and can be relived and surpassed with antiviral medication. You do...
Why You Might Want to Cuddle More & How to Talk to Your Partner About Physical Affection
Cuddling and other forms of physical touch are important in most relationships, as physical affection is one of the ways we express love, desire and commitment.
In North America, we tend to reserve most forms physical touch for those we love and many of us are touch-deprived. A study of 509 adults found that those who lack affection (and crave more physical affection) experience lower levels of happiness and higher levels of loneliness, depression, relationship satisfaction and stress.
Obviously cuddling is more important to some people — especially those who perceive physical affection as the ultimate form of loving expression. It is therefore essential to communicate your needs to your partner and be open to listening to theirs. Some of us express our love primarily with our words and others do so through physical touch.
To improve understanding of one another’s desires with regard to physical affection, you might want to consider asking and answering a few questions:
...Sexuality Superheroes: Jet Setting Jasmine
It's that time of week again! This week, our Sexuality Superhero is: Jet Setting Jasmine. Jasmine is a licensed clinical therapist and does amazing work as a fetish trainer. She's joined forces with King Noire to deliver effective hands-on workshops that emphasize a sensual approach to sexual wellness and education. Check it out!
How did you find yourself working in sexuality?
I am a licensed therapist and have always had an interest in how people-maintained intimacy and the importance of intimacy in the wake of challenging life experiences. I dedicated a great deal of my work to working with client’s with trauma experiences and intimacy post injury/illness and intimacy and caregiving. The other bulk of my sex work has centered around my own sexual exploration. I have taken my personal experiences and shared them openly for others to learn and see a woman with my background enjoying sexual freedoms; with hopes that they will too.
What is the best part of the...
Recipe for a Lasting, Happy and Hot Relationship
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to relationships and what works for your parents, friends or neighbours may not work for you. There is, however, a wealth of research on relationship satisfaction and outcomes that may offer some insight into what you can do to increase your odds of making love last and creating a relationship that is healthy fulfilling and passionate.
Consider the following ingredients to create a relationship that works for you:
Laughter and playfulness.
Research shows that couples who laugh together often are the happiest — even if they fight often, the presence of laughter may help to attenuate the potentially negative impacts of fights. Neuroscientists and psychologists theorize that laughter might be an evolutionary mechanism to soothe anxiety and warn others that a perceived threat is, in fact, harmless. So if you can inject humour and playfulness into your daily routine and find reasons to laugh and lighten up during times of distress,...
Are Canadian Daters Too Picky?
More Canadians are single this Valentine’s Day and while some are single by choice, others report having difficulty dating and finding a compatible partner. Jess joined Carolyn and Jeff on Global TV’s The Morning Show to discuss this topic and share insights on how we can adjust our attitudes to improve our chances of finding love.
Check out the video replay and Jess’ notes below.
1. Why do so many daters say that it’s difficult to connect in the Canadian dating market?
Canadians can be shy and in large urban centres, we struggle to connect with new folks — not just potential dates, but friends and social contacts in general. As we delay and opt out of marriage, we’re more likely to live alone (28% of Canadians live alone)
Research suggests that loneliness is a health threat across the country. Loneliness is associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety, irritability and even heart disease and stroke.
2. Are daters too picky?
It’s...
