I was recently interviewed on the topic of long-term passion and how to keep your relationship sizzling after months or years of living together. This is my passion! I’ve been living with my partner, Brandon, for 18+ years and I’m still excited for every single day we get to spend together — in and out of the bedroom.
Listen to my podcast on The Science Of Passion In Relationships here and read below for some of the tips I shared in the interview.
If you want to keep your relationship hot over the long-term…
1. Make your daily interactions more erotic.
You are not a light switch. You can’t go from talking about the mundane (e.g. your grocery bill or whether or not little Johnny is constipated) to tearing one another’s clothes off. So if you want more passion and excitement in your relationships, you’re going to want to weave eroticism throughout your day, week, and month.
Now this doesn’t mean every time I eat a banana, you need to offer sexualized commentary commentary (e.g. “oh yeah - you eat that banana”), but it means being more playful and flirtatious even as you deal with the mundane tasks of the day to day. Some ways to make daily interactions more erotic:
2. Take turns initiating sex.
It’s not uncommon for the task of initiating sex to become one-sided in long term relationships and this imbalance can take a toll in a very short period of time. If you want your partner to initiate more, here are a few tips:
3. Spend time apart to reap some of these benefits:
For more benefits of spending time apart and advice on how to talk to your partner about how you spend/allocate your time, click here.
The slippery stuff makes sex more pleasurable (check out Astroglide Natural or Diamond Gel), increases the likelihood of orgasm and allows you to play with more positions and techniques.
Vibrator use is associated with a range of benefits. Many couples report that simply trying a vibrator encourages them to communicate about sex more openly. They’re more likely to talk about what they like in terms of speed, pressure, rhythm, angle and position when using a vibrator and this communication extends into other areas of their sex life and relationship.
If you’re interested in a couples’ vibe, check out the Pivot and if you want a toy that stimulates the clitoris and G-Spot simultaneously, consider the Nova. Save 5% at We-Vibe with code DRJESS.
5. When it’s time to get it on, begin with sensual touch instead of going straight to the genitals. This can encourage you to discover new pathways to pleasure and inject novelty into your sexual routine. Try one of these massage strokes:
Spider pulls are the perfect way to draw awareness and blood to the surface of their skin. Start with your fingers outstretched and the pads of your fingertips resting gently against their skin. Slowly and gently pull all five finger togethers into the centre with the lightest touch possible.
Rain drops produce a tingling sensation as you gently flutter the backs of your fingertips along their most sensitive regions. Start with their spine, underarms, shoulder blades and butt cheeks.
Finger Stripes allow you to draw erotic energy to a focused area of their body. Cover all five fingers in oil and run them in a straight line down the backs of their thighs, inner arms or abdomen. Then retrace your path using your middle knuckles on the back of your hand.
Palm Circles get the blood flowing to all the right places. Just be sure to cover your hands in a light massage oil before circling them over their chest, abs and hips.
Figure Eights allow you to explore your partner's body with large sweeping sensations. Use two wet fingers to trace loops of figure-eight patters along their collarbone, arms and the sides of their breasts.
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