The Hottest Phone Sex Tips

Happier Couples

The Hottest Phone Sex Tips

29:12

 

Phone sex can be smokin’ hot — for auditory lovers, long-distance play partners, and anyone who wants to spice things up with dirty talk and fantasy exploration. Jess and Brandon share their thoughts and tips for the hottest phone sex, along with a few lines you can use to get started if you’re feeling shy or awkward.

Are you looking for body butter, hand cream, massage candles, and/or oils (Body/ Massage/ Bath)  - check out our wonderful podcast sponsor this week, High On Love.

And for those who'd like to take a listen to our previous episode on Dirty Talk, you can check out "Master Dirty Talk: 60+ Tips & Examples" here.

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

The Hottest Phone Sex Tips

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon. We're here with my loved the other half, Doctor Jess. Am I so lovely? Because we were just not talking about lovely stuff. No, we weren't talking about lovely stuff. But you're lovely. Brandon made us espresso with a little drop of Baylies. We're actually working in the evening, which we don't usually do. We usually record super early in the morning, but it's evening, so it's a decaf espresso with a drop of Bayleys. Maybe you should say that. It's a shot of Baileys with a drop of decaf espresso. Oh, is that what it is? I don't know. Anyhow. You drink yours before you even sat down? I did. And I said, do you even save her it? I do not. Do you just swallow it like hotcom? I do not savor it. Yes, I swallow it like hot cup. And then I asked you if you've tasted your own cup. Yes, I have. And did not warn you that we were going to be discussing. No, I didn't know. We weren't talking about that. So, yes, let's go down that rabbit hole. But did you taste it when it was hot or did you want to get cold first? Well, I read the warning on the side. It said, Get caution hot. No, it came in a cup. I think it's important to taste yourself. Yeah, I did it by accident. But how? I shot it up in the air. You shot it up in the air and your mouth was open. Yes, that's it. That sounds like I landed on his Dick by accident. Well, anyhow, I'm glad we were talking about that off air. I thought we should also talk about how we should start a podcast today. Yeah, because it's good to taste yourself. I don't know. I wonder if for women, there's less shame around it. I have no problem saying that I've tasted it. I remember I mentioned this before on the podcast. There was a guy when I was a teenager playing hockey, and that was what he did on the bus when we were going to a hockey game. Somebody dared him to twist off a batch of knuckle children and then to eat them. Eat them, eat his young. Yeah, hang on. So he jerked off on the bus in a seat. Yeah, we're a bunch of like 14 and 15 year old guys going to a hockey game. So we had a bus. Nothing to do. You have like an hour and a half to kill time. And yeah, he decided to do that, and that took all of 14 seconds. So what did you do? Right. For the other hour? How did he capture it? I don't know. We didn't watch him do it, so it could just be a myth. I'm wondering if he did it in a cup is what I'm saying. No, I don't think he had a cup handy. I'm just going to do it in here. He probably did it into his hand and then just licked it. Yeah, again, it's kind of foggy. Oh, well, I mean, again, I think it's good for people to taste themselves. Have you tasted yourself lately? No, I have not. All right, you're going to try that? No, I'm not. Okay, fine. I'll do it for you.

All right. Switching gears for Valentine's, I'm working with a really cool brand called High on Love. And I've been actually using their hemp seed body butter for, I think about two years now since the onset of the pandemic. And it's super rich, super indulgent. I just have to say, the packaging for the High and Love body butter is everything, but I always ask you to rub it on me. Yes. I was going to say I actually really enjoy the High on Love brand because with it, your back gives me a lovely hand massage. Yes, he's always taken my jokes, but this is true. But here's the thing. I swear, it helps me to sleep. I do remember that the first time you used it, you were like, I slept so well, I'm going to chalk it up to my back massage, but yeah, okay, sure. Well, it could be that. But also, I think I've got it in my head that when I put it on, it helps me to sleep. So I struggle to sleep, so I fall asleep. Okay. But I have trouble staying asleep. So anyhow, it works for me. They also make hand cream and body oil and massage oil and massage candles. And they have hemp seed oil infused products, but also cannabis CBD stuff. I was wondering if maybe that would help you. No, there's not CBD. I know it doesn't have the psychotropic effect on it. Yeah. Not the one that I use. No. Cbd can help you to sleep. Haven't you used CBD oil to sleep? I've used it to relax. I guess that's exactly the same thing. Anyhow, let's get back to High on Love. They have, like, all these different products. They have an oil for orgasms. They have stimulating formulas designed to heighten pleasure and increase the intensity of orgasms. So they're supporting the podcast. I highly encourage you to check them out. They are global, but they are Canadian founded, so their website is highonlove. Ca. So thank you to them for their support. Please do check them out. Again, High OnLove CA. And that brings us to the topic of the night, what is phone sex? Oh, yeah. And I love the idea of phone sex, especially versus full video sex, because I think it feels less intimidating. And I think it can also help you to kind of open up new ways to connect for a lot of us who maybe don't want to be on video right away. Do you have to have phone sex on a landline? That's my first question. Can you imagine being like, a teenager in the 80s and be like, how many phone sex you had? That 30 foot long cord you take it into the closet? My family only had. What are you doing in there? Not there. We only had one phone in the whole you can imagine because, you know, my family, we had one phone in the whole house. Maybe that's why I don't like talking on the phone, because you couldn't really have a private conversation. You had to sit in the tiny little hallway between the bedrooms to talk on the phone. And it was, I'd say, about six inches from my parents'bedroom, and they didn't sleep with the door closed. So maybe, I don't know, maybe that's, like, the reason I don't like talking on the phone. However, when did you guys upgrade from Morse code to the single phone in your house? We eventually got a cordless. Did you? But only my mom was allowed to use it. I swear. My mum says that I make up all of these stories, but they're 100% true. Like, we all drink milk at dinner. My dad, my sister and I, and my mom drank a Coca Cola every night, but we all drank milk. And she says, I made that up. I didn't, but I digress.

I got to stay on track. Half an ounce of Bay leaves, and this is where we go. So back to phone sex. The reason I love it is that audio only sex, it just leaves so much to the imagination. And for people who are more primarily aroused by sounds. Right, like audio lovers, audio learners. From the sound of a lover's voice to the sound of movement, the sound of rustling in the sheets, it can be Super, super hot. So if you've read my book, my latest book with Marla, you know, about the learning style approach to seduction that highlights the value of auditory pleasure for auditory learners. And we know that sounds are really essential to auditory learners. And the yearnings go beyond just dirty talk. Right. And hearing you scream their name. We actually know that research shows that the sound of a lover's voice can be a turn on and actually result in increased electrical activity in the skin. And, like, there's other studies indicating that our voices can indicate fertility due to hormonal fluctuations that affect blood flow and water retention and vocal cords. And I don't know. I just think we shouldn't ignore the auditory girl, you're sounding fertile tonight. I don't know what it is in your voice, but champagne, mountain range, lamb, lamb. So I just kind of wanted to bring it to the auditory first and think about how you can arouse and entice auditory lovers. Right? Like by texting them kind of sound clips or sexy sounds or playing with fantasies just in words, like whispering in their ear or even recording an audio clip of yourself masturbating. Like, I took it from gear one to five. I don't know what. I'm just trying to think about the auditory stimulus that if I were to send you that clip, I feel like I'd be super self conscious. I think it would be a silent tape. And then at the end, you'd be like, I was screaming at the very end. That's it. It was three minutes, and the last 10 seconds was you yelling, and then you just hear you falling out of bed and stomping to the bathroom because you're like a beast after. So anyhow, I wanted to encourage people to think about phone sex and talk about how do we have phone sex? So I guess if we start with what to actually talk about during phone sex, I was thinking that there are kind of a few things. So starting with things you've done in the past. So just describing in detail things that turn you on that are part of your memory bank. Of course you can talk about what you're doing in the moment. Right. I'm adjusting my baggy jogging pants that I don't change because I wear them in the house every day. Yeah, that's it. So the past, what you're doing now, what you want to do in the future, your hottest sexual memories, your hottest sexual fantasies, fantasies that maybe you wouldn't do in real life. And I think that's why I love the idea of phone sex, because there's no pressure to follow through necessarily, at least not in that moment. Right? Yeah. When I think about phone sex, I don't think it's something that I assume would turn me on, but I'm also I'm turned on when I hear people having sex and just hearing somebody else. Do you often get to hear people have sex? Well, not very often, but when I have heard it, yeah. I'm kind of like, now I'm getting in the mood. You mean like when we're at the resorts and stuff like that? Yeah. Or you can just be at a hotel or somewhere. If you hear somebody just really enjoying themselves, I find it stimulating. I like that. Okay. I don't think of you as much as auditory, but. No, but I'm sure you are. I mean, this is the thing we can say, like, oh, I'm auditory or I'm visual or I'm kinesthetic, but most of us are a combination. But I think it's also about how a willingness to kind of explore it because, yes, I don't think that I would like phone text, but at the same time, if I was presented with just some pointers on how to get started, I might really enjoy it. And actually, you've commented before on those erotic stories as something that you can listen to and just focusing and listening and allowing the creative mind to flow. Absolutely. So if we go back to talking about things you've done in the past, what you're doing in the moment what you want to do in the future and your hottest sexual fantasies. I'm going to put you on the spot. I want you to just play with me here about something you've done in the past right now. Okay?

Participant #1:
Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm wondering what I'm allowed to say here on the podcast. Maybe I don't want to say all things. You know what I'm thinking about? A time where we had sex on a rooftop, warm climate, breeze blowing up my backside. Maybe that wasn't the sexiest thing to say. And being out in the open with other people around, do you think you could flush that out into how it would sound during phone sex? How would that sound in phone sex? Yeah. Like, what would you say to me? Not. I would say, just do it. Do you remember that time where we were sitting on a rooftop and after a few drinks, we slowly started to head towards the bed and started touching each other? I really like that. I feel ridiculous right now. And this is my whole problem is I'm like, I feel like a tool. Hang on, though. If you were aroused, like, if you were excited, if we were actually playing and there was some build up, do you think you would feel less too late if there were thousands of people listening to me? It's one person. It's just you. It's just you. Yes. No, I think I would be, I think in the right environment. Yeah. I would definitely play with this and have fun with it. Okay, so something about the past. I love that. Okay, so the present. You're not actually doing something, but you might. You don't think I'm doing it? What would you describe? Like, maybe the build up as opposed to. Okay, I know everyone can talk about stroking it or throbbing or wet or aching, but, like, the build up of, like, I'm going to go upstairs soon. I was thinking about you today. No, this is real. I was thinking about you today, and I wanted to message you and tell you that I wanted you and I do want you and that I needed you. Why didn't you do it? Because it was like 300 in the afternoon, and I figured you were shooting your television show and probably would have been awkward if that message popped up on your phone or my phone. I don't know. Somebody's got your phone and then all of a sudden you get this message. So is that why you renewed my driver's license for me today? No, that's not why. But I was just thinking. I was wondering where this is going. Well, no, I was just thinking that you had these words to share with me, but you couldn't or you didn't. And so you turn to your access and like, oh, I want her. I'm thinking about her. I wish she was here. But you know what? Instead I'm going to do a huge favor and renew her driving. I'm so in the I want you so bad right now. I'm going to renew your health card. Yeah. For those who are not Canadian, our health card is a card that entitles us to single payer health care. Yes. Taxpayer funded healthcare. So we can go to the doctor as much as we like. And Brandon renewed my healthcare and my driver's license for me today. And then he took my checks to the bank like the old people we are. You're welcome. No, you're so sweet. Ok, so back at it. You came up with something from the past. You talked about what you want.

Right. And then something for the future. Like, I've been thinking about this when I get home. Here's what I'm going to do. Do you have anything there? I don't. But why don't you just keep rolling with what you're doing? Well, look how the tables have turned. And now somebody is probably going through her mind trying to figure out what she's going to say to me. Okay, so I'm thinking, like, phone sex could be preceded by text, for sure. Or it could be something that you say or you could send it in an audio message. That's a good idea. Yeah. And so dirty talk on the phone can actually be used to kind of cultivate consent for the future. Of course, you still need to check in. I'm not saying that you can say, look here, you said it, but I could say something like, do you want to get an estimate tonight? That's exactly what I was thinking. Or can I touch you right where you like it? And that's the end of the podcast today. Have a good day. What parts do you want my tongue to taste? I feel like you've got the words to make it sexy. Or when you come home, I'm going to take your clothes off. You're all I've been thinking about. Or what I just need to take. You got a lot of here. I just need to take a breath. Can you come over and toss me around like a rag doll? We can kind of use it for questions. We can also use it to kind of tell them more directly. Not so much in the inquisitive, but in the affirmative. I want you to send me over and make me scream, put a pillow under my mouth, all that. Okay. I need to stop. I seriously need to stop. Are we good? Yeah, we're good. So I think this is just an opportunity to remember that sometimes talking on the phone kind of encourages you to open up in new ways because you may not be distracted by the other senses. Right. You're not distracted by your partner's body language, their facial expressions, even the self consciousness. I think that people can feel in their own bodies. And as I said, I think many people will find that they're willing to explore fantasies over the phone that they won't necessarily disclose in person because there's no pressure to act on them. Right. There's the limits of a phone call. So maybe, I don't know, you fantasize about Pegging, but you don't want to feel the pressure to follow through. It's just hot to talk about from a distance. So, okay, I feel a little out of breath just from some of that language. I want to talk about some other tips around how to actually start with phone sex if you're feeling intimidated. And I think the first piece is that you don't have to be on a live phone call. Right. If you want to be on a live phone call, you can kind of allow the conversation to unravel organically. And I think the important piece is you don't have to go all the way. Like, however you define that. But I think for most of us, that means having an orgasm while you're on the phone. But you don't have to do that. You could just kind of rile each other up and you could touch yourselves a little while you're on the call and then maybe hang up so that you have two hands to do the thing you need to do because some of us need two hands. So I think that's one option to just let go of the pressure to actually finish orgasm or go all the way, however you define that. I also think that you can have some fun with different rules. Right? You can say, like, okay, we're going to schedule this time on the phone when we're apart. But you've got to come to the phone call ready to go. Like, you have to already have touched yourself or fantasized or played with a toy so that when you arrive, you're aroused, you're riled up. Maybe you have to have one orgasm before you come to the call. And then, of course, you can always change the rules with every call. Like, maybe, I don't know, maybe you turn the video on in the middle of the call. What if you're on a landline? Sorry, continue. Then you get the, like, Jetson's computer to make a video conference call. Do you ever get emails like that where someone's like, I will set up a video conference call? I'm like, do you mean Zoom? Just not Microsoft teams? Is not Microsoft? No, I can't get into Microsoft teams. I'm going to set up a video conference call. You on my cellular smartphone. And so, yeah, you can kind of change things up or maybe in the middle of it, you turn on the video for just a moment, but you keep the lights off, right? So your partner has to kind of try and decipher what's on the screen. And then maybe tomorrow you play differently, like you say, okay, we're going to be in the bath, but you don't bring your phone in the bathroom. I'm not trying to get branded. I got Apple.

Participant #1:
No, but I was thinking so you could be in the bath, but the phone is a few feet away and so there's like this distance and it's maybe not Super, super clear. Another time you might like sit on your balcony with headphones so that you can maybe your partner's inside and they get to be more explicit. But you have to be more creative and careful because a neighbor might hear you. Other tips. You also don't have to do it altogether. Again, I think there's this pressure that you both need to have an orgasm. Maybe one time it's just for one partner. Right. I actually remember this time we were on Skype, you and I. You and me. Well, you were doing all the talking like you were still taking care of yourself and I was taking care of me. But you did all the talking and kind of all the showing. And so I remember it was like very one sided. But of course I'm going to reciprocate one day, maybe not ten years ago. It was a long time ago. That time I'm thinking of. So you can take turns or you can do it all together. And then my last piece is really around audio notes. Like using audio notes instead of doing it live. Okay. So I know if you know me personally, I know you're going to call me out here because in real life, in nonsexual circumstances, I cannot stand audio notes. Why? Because I don't know. Because usually I'm doing other things while I'm reading your text message. Like I might be doing something else where I can't play the audio notes. So when people send me audio notes, it takes me forever to listen to them. Whereas if you send me a text, I read it right away. So that rule does, you know, I love me of an audio note. I hear you record 14 thumbs. Typing is not. You have Dick fingers. I have cards against humanity. Dick fingers. Ten Dick fingers. Do you mind when people send you audio now? No, it's fine because I can play them in double time. I know. I always hear you. I'm like what is happening down there. That person has done a lot of uppers. But me, in real life, I don't actually like audio notes, but for sex play, I do because I'm not going to be listening in the middle of a meeting or when I should really be doing something else. I'm probably giving away too much TV show. So anyhow audio notes are fun for the phone sex. And there's so much you can say, right? Like you can be sending notes that I don't know, we're just teasing. Like you might say, here we go again. When I get home, I'm going to throw myself down between your legs and I'm not going to come up. You've got everything you want from me. Your turn. Since you're the audio note master Champagne Mountain Race right now, I'm intimidated. I feel ridiculous. That's good, though. And I think it's good that you're laughing and we can laugh about it. That's another really important piece. It does not have to be smooth. It does not have to be suave. I know people overplay with the cliche that, oh, I'm so attracted to their sense of humor. But your sense of humor is a huge attraction piece for me. I like that you're funny. I don't think I always want you to be joking around, but if joking around and laughter breaks the tension in a way that allows us to kind of move along and eventually get more aroused and have your men with arousal comes that drop in inhibitions. I think laughter is a beautiful pathway to arousal, and it doesn't mean that, oh, you can only joke around in the beginning and you can't joke around at orgasm. Like, sometimes it feels natural. Sometimes we say things in bed that are funny. I mean, I'm hilarious. I don't know about you. I mean, I think you think you're funny, but I don't like it when you're making jokes when we're having sex, because there's only one other person in the thing that you're making fun of. There. Why? When I threatened the Spider menu, when I threatened to catch it and fling it back at you. And I know that this isn't necessarily phone sex, but I do find that the more I'm into sex, the more I enjoy talking dirty and just talking in general. So I would agree that I think playing and having a little bit of fun at first and then getting into whatever it is you're doing for me would make me feel more comfortable and certainly help me kind of reciprocate back to you. Yeah.

And absolutely speaking right here, right now in this environment, I understand that you're not feeling totally comfortable, and I put you on the spot, but I think it's good also to acknowledge that neither of us is totally comfortable. I definitely feel uncomfortable, like, coming up with these lines and saying them out loud. But let me give you another one. Let me just think. Okay, so I could send you a voice note before we're supposed to go out and say, let's skip the party, and let's just roll around on the living room floor. Well, you know, I'm down for that. I want to taste you. I wasn't done. Oh, sorry. No, but it's okay. He can't interject if I'm recording a voicemail because he's not. There simple things about, you know what I want to do? Like, I'm going to tie you up, I'm going to Peel off every layer of clothing for you, and I'll wear those heels you like, and I'll make you wait for it, but it'll be worth it. Okay. And I guess every time I say it, I feel awkward, which is right. The reason why as soon as I'm done. I'm like, okay, moving on. Stop looking at me like that. So I'm talking with my eyes. I like it. It's really hot. And I do notice you're great at talking in bed, but it's not usually during the beginning. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's just once I get into it, I'm good. But it's the beginning where I just need to work on some lines. See, even right now, looking for the words. Yeah. But I think we can push through that awkwardness. And what I would encourage people to do is definitely go back to the podcast on Dirty Talk where we actually read a ton of lines, right? We talked about, like, expressing desire. That's maybe more monogamous in nature in your Dirty Talk. So you can do that on phone sex. You can do that in voice notes, like talking about how I'll never want anyone but you, that you're too good and no one else could ever compare. Or you can change the theme to more non monogamous fantasies and talk about how you want to share them or that you're ready for that threesome. And you can talk about these things whether you want them or not in real life. In the Dirty Talk podcast, we also talk about different sexual taboos, talking about, I want you to hold me down. I've been really bad. I want to be punished. I want your bare hands. We talk about playful lines that you can use. So I always get what I want. Remember that? Or you can be thinking of all the categories dominant, right? I can say, Get down on your hands and knees and wait like a good boy. I don't know if you take me seriously, but there are other ones. I could say, Go get me my boots. Or maybe you like to experiment more with the submissive side and you can just play, like, all different tones. I keep using the same tone, but I might say, Get over here and show me who's boss. Do you like that? I mean, I like them all. I feel like I need to reciprocate, but I can't. Like I said, I just need to get into I want to drink champagne. Mountain range, lamb. Mountain range. While we're eating lamb. I thought a lamb was going to be watching. I didn't know you were going there. He slaughtered the lamb. You could use Dirty Talk on the phone also, or invoice note to kind of give directions, right? So you can say, Get down on your knees and shove yourself right into my face. I talked about consent and making requests. I'm trying to think of all the different Dirty Talk categories, but you can talk about different fantasies, right? Like, you can play on the phone like, oh, I've never done this before with a stranger like you and take on a different character and you can just build anticipation, right? This is great for on the phone. Think about building anticipation, like I'm stripping down, but I'm going to take my time. Do you want to watch or should I just describe it to you? And I can tease you that I'm going to turn my video on even though I'm not. And of course, you can send voice notes that are focused on how great they are as well. So I'm feeling like it's a lot kind of just going through. Yeah. I mean, you've said a lot of lines to give people a lot of ammunition for their next phone sex encounter. Yeah. And I think one thing we didn't bring up that you had talked about another time is calling a phone sex line to kind of practice to learn to enjoy it together. Yeah. That could be a lot of fun. I mean, you'd have a professional who has tons of experience on the other end that you could pick up some tips from, right? Absolutely. And I bet that you could even ask them to coach you. I bet that's possible. Listen, pay for people's time. Pay professionals pay. Sex workers get dirty talking and consider phone sex. I'm kind of excited by all of this. Like, I'm excited by voice notes. I'm excited by the idea that you don't have to finish.

I'm excited that you can also integrate toys. That's something we didn't talk about. So I work with a brand called We Vibe, with which you're probably all familiar, and they have a Valentine's sale going on right now. You can use Code Doctor Jess to save a few extra [email protected]. This was an accident. I didn't mean to plug it, but it's there. And they have obviously really cool toys, but their toys are app enabled. Yeah. I was just thinking that as you mentioned them, how cool would that be? Because you could be this I'm actually excited about. I'm thinking this would be a lot easier for me to work into it because you each have a toy and if it's app enabled and then you're having phone sex and you're playing with that, I can actually chat. Or you could call the landline. Right. I'm the only one who has a landline because I'm at a hotel. I'll be at a hotel. So I'm going to Halifax in the morning for work. You're not coming because it's Halifax and it's not true. I've been to Halifax before. It's a great city. Oh, no. Halifax is a wicked city. I love it. But it's cold. It's not warm. You're not trying to go cold places right now? No, actually, you know what? We have all of these toys. I'll make sure that I leave one in your hands and I'll have mine with me. Of course. Yes, you will. So all these ideas and once again, sorry, we let it free flow here, but I do hope you go back to the Dirty Talk podcast and kind of figure out all those different styles of dirty Talk because in that podcast I talk about those styles dominant, submissive, instructive, playful, all of those things with really specific lines. So I gave you a few tonight or today in this episode but in that previous episode on the hottest dirty talk lines, you'll learn even more. So we're going to stop there because Brandon is giving me the eyes. I'm not going to lie I am giving you the sexy eyes. It's been a week I don't mean it's been a week since. What I mean is it's just been a week. This has been a heavy week. Valentine's, of course, is my busiest season of the year. So from like February to March 10. Are you kidding? It's the middle of January. It's like two solid months. Yeah, this year wasn't as bad but it's just like back to back everything. So I haven't had the energy and I haven't made the time. So on that note we're going to go make the time and we're done. All right folks, wherever you're at I hope you are having a great one. Please do check out high OnLove CA because it's a Canadian companycompany. It's CA. And also if you're shopping for an app enable toy that you can play with from a distance, we Vive.com. And for that one you can use code doctor Jess to save a few extra dollars. Happy v day if you celebrate screw it. If you don't have good you're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast improve your sex life. Improve your life.