Some Women Are “Easy”: Part 1

In the past few weeks, I’ve heard three men comment that “women are hard work” when it comes to sex. Each of these statements was framed as a bit of a concern with regard to how much romancing, seduction, and stimulation is required for women to experience both sexual desire and orgasm. I think this is an interesting observation shared by a number of men and I have a few thoughts on the topic…

I write (and teach) a lot about all the work that goes into sexual relationships as well as the need to cultivate desire and work for sexual arousal — and though both women and men generally require both physical (body-based) and subjective (mind-based) arousal to enjoy sex, it is possible that my work emphasizes the need to work up and arouse women more so than men. So it follows that people may be left with the impression that women are more “work” than men when it comes to sex.

Now I wouldn’t refer to romance and sex play as “work”, but I understand that it may feel this way for a partner who feels that s/he is disproportionately tasked with initiating sex or bases his/her performance (and sense of sexual self) on a partner’s orgasm. If you’re in a sexual relationship, the fun task of initiating sex should generally be shared. Coming on to your partner can be hot and empowering, but if only one person shows interest, s/he may miss out on the awesome experience of feeling desired and may also be in a position to fear rejection more often. So it’s important to talk to your partner, offer reassurance and give some gentle direction so that you share the “task” of getting one another in the mood for sex.

This post is continued here.