PechaKucha: Kink & BDSM with Honestly Nae

Happier Couples

PechaKucha: Kink & BDSM with Honestly Nae

37:06

 

How do you practice safe, sane, consensual kink “in color”? What is fire-play? How do you navigate master-slave relationships? And how do you understand a submissive’s needs? Shanae Adams aka Honestly Nae, joins Jess and Brandon to share their insights as professional Dominatrix and kink educator.

Follow Shanae on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Youtube. Also check out their sex-positive collaborative in Denver, The Chrysalis House.

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

PechaKucha: Kink & BDSM with Honestly Nae

00:00:05 - 00:05:09

You're listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sacks and relationship advice. You can use tonight Welcome to the sex with Dr Jeff podcast. I'm your co host Brandon. Wear and I'm here to didn't know if you're gonNA chime in or not Dr Jess I was waiting for. I'm with my partner the lovely doctor just isn't that what you usually say what I say but you. I thought you were going to chime in all right well. I'm here now and I want to give a big. Thank you to desire resorts. Desire Desire cruises check them out online at desire experience. Today we are so fortunate to be joined by honestly honestly nee sex educator professional. Dom Dom instructor you go by the name. Sire uh-huh explained to US Sire Siren King spaces 'cause I'm royalty and you will just me such so yes sire no sire more sire. Oh man it just got really seriously though remind Brennan of last night with me pretty much yeah she wants to be addressed now slightly different language but the same message now you are a Bedia educator a kink educator. You are going to be a sex therapist opening a practice very soon yes and you and I were in North Carolina. we determined that not says here not mid. Carolina north one the northbound four the North Carolina Conference Convention Ya going to mention it was amazing. It was brilliant. It was so well done and one of my favorite events at this conference was the Petra Coochie Night Ketchup Coochie Patrick Uji pitch couture pet set your coochie. Cut Your coochie with consent so Pacha Kucha is a presentation style where you show twenty images his each for twenty seconds and you talk for twenty seconds per image to tell a story and there were twelve presenters that night you were one of the presenters presented Kink in color yes celebrating black bodies in King spaces and I would love and Brennan has been requesting because he started to watch it on your instagram and your instagram is honestly may so he wants to see and hear the rest of it so you're going to run through your Petukhov Petukhov presentation for us all right now all right all right here we go are so I am honestly May Sexuality Professional by day which basically basically means that I host comprehensive education workshops talk about healthy relationships and consider in reproductive justice and contraception all the things right but but by night I am Sire Professional Dominatrix you will adjust address me as such in King spaces. Yes sire no sire more sire and and as a professional dominatrix. I get to help people live out their kinky or they bedia some fantasies in a safe way in I get to help people kind of explore that outside of themselves now. My journey started when I was in high school. I don't really remember how we set it up but had a boyfriend and a handcuffed him and he broke my handcuffs and I was very very upset because he did not by me new handcuffs but that was kind of my first inroad into approaching kink thank in now. I learned about Kink in Bedia Sim from toxic Soochow Hamson. I was real good with that back button to nickelodeon from watching skin amax ex I was also watching real sex cat house and had a couple Karma Sutras that I think gave me the inspiration to buy the set of handcuffs and cuffs and try some kinky stuff with my partner. Today's people today's youth are learning media system from fifty shades of grey which is just horrible for one. It's not ethical. DSM None of the things that are happening. Actually the movie was very tree-ring things that were happening where positive or were healthy. It's also just bad in general and in the entire three movies in the whole universe. There are no people of color which doesn't make any sense. There's no one's walking down the sidewalk with Melanin like I looked right and so when I tell black people and other people in particular that I am making practitioner that teach people Bedia Sim I do this for money. They look at me like I'm crazy. They look at me like I have three boobs. They can't understand why I would be engaging in this so in an effort to who Oh and then I told him that this is what I do when they always hit me with my favorite statement. which is that's why people shit so in an effort to make this less white? People Shit take knowledge that people of Color this is y'all shit to try to break down in king is an effort to kind of educate now.

00:05:09 - 00:10:03

kink falls falls underneath the umbrella of Bedia Sim yet but we'll start with the B so the Bee Sim stands for bondage so that's tying your partner up tying them down tying their arms to a chair tying the legs to the bed. There's a particular kind of bondage known Shibar which is Japanese erotic bondage which uses is Silk Ropes to tell your partner up in. You're able to make really pretty artistic designs. You can also use this to suspend your partner. and it's something that comes out of Japan it's part of the Japanese culture and it was also developed through the colonization of Asia so a lot of the things that we know about Shibar were practiced and developed galloped some of those prisoners that they captured while they were colonizing Asia keeping that in mind though we're still able to make these really pretty artistic very expressive of kinds of rope bondage is in such the next is d which stands for dominance basically that it's just the active dominating your partner so there's typically dominant a submissive a top and bottom a person who is inflicting and a person who is receiving and that is just a type of power dynamic. It doesn't have to be twenty four seven. It can be something that you're only doing in this space at this time but that is the D. Now the s in the M can be translated to different ways. The first is Sado masochism so a sadist myself gets sexual pleasure from inflicting pain on the masochists which usually my submissive which are people who get sexual joie pleasure from receiving pain and this can be inflicting pain humiliation basically. You're doing something that you'd inflicting pain. That's basically break it down your in my slide. I have a picture of a Bruce Booty because I've inflicted so we had an impact recession and and she was able to get some bruises I got off. She got off was a good time had by all the last essence stands for slave and master and this is another form of dominance against another power dynamic but it typically implies a twenty four seven relationship so you might have a slave. That's like a domestic slave that like washes your clothes on my cleans your house house. You might have a sex slave. WHO's just there to be your sex. Toy your play thing to play with whenever you want but it typically implies a twenty four seven relationship so after I break down what media stands for and I'm like yeah people of Color Seles jump in and do this they look at me like Sophia from the color purple with all all my life I had to fight who makes you think that I want to be beat in my bedroom tied up or humiliated in my bedroom in particular for people of Color and maybe some others there's a lot of things that stand in the way from being able to embrace a BSN kinky lifestyle for people of Color One of those things in particular. Is that a lot of the things that we do in King spaces resemble some of the things done to our ancestors when we were enslaved. Um One thing in particular gagging is the act of covering someone's mouth either with a ball gag with a Bandana. Now I as dominant my God my slug because I want you to communicate with me in a different way other than using your mouth or sometimes. I just don't want hear what you you have to say in. Just one puts something in your mouth. Stop talking to me whereas some of our ancestors were gagged so that way they weren't able to communicate in their mother language. They weren't able to communicate communicate with other people from their tribes. They weren't able to express themselves. It was a means a kind of a means to kind of remove that culture that they were trying to perpetuate that slave masters and slave owners did not want another thing in particular is the act of impact place so flogging whipping cropping caning doing a lot of these things a lot of especially if you Google American slavery and you start to see like the whip marks that are coming off of people a lot of those things really resemble some of the things that our our ancestors were put through even the act of tying a person up to a door tying them up to the bed highly resembles some of the things that our ancestors had to go through that they did not not consent to but that word right there consent is kind of the main thing that differentiates differentiates even the act of being submissive to a person being less less than to a person being sub-human to a person. It's definitely something that people have colored with still today so those are definitely barriers that people of color maybe even other other people experience when they're trying to engage in Beedi kink but there are three main things that separate what we do today versus what was done to us back then and that's safe sane and consensual so the first is safe. Now safe is subjective. I think it's perfectly safe to time up for twenty minutes and poke them with an electro tro. Juan and run clause down their body hot wax down there titties. I think that that is perfectly safe but again it is subjective. That's a conversation that we're going to you need to have the next is sane.

00:10:03 - 00:15:01

I think it's perfectly sane to set my submissive on fire and makes Moore's but again that is subjective so that's a conversation that we're going to need to have now in those two. The one thing that we need is consent and as an empathetic enthusiastic yes that Yes yes can be revoked at any time and that yes can be changed depending on what's going on at that point in the moment so safe sane and consensual is what that makes bedia some ethical so if you're yet makes pdf some ethical and then the last part is after care so after care is what you're going to do you after a scene. That's what we call anytime you engage in media semi you have a scene so what you do after the scene to bring that submissive back to reality to make sure that you you know. They don't have any burns because you set them on fire to make sure that they don't have any bruises that you know they can't function with throughout the day. What are you going to do after the scene to make. Should that person is okay. Dams also need aftercare as well. I like to say what are you. GonNa do to make sure that I don't go out into the world expecting people to Lick my boots all the time you know because that I may not be with someone wants to do on the streets four o'clock in the afternoon but if that's the head space I'm in a moment to get out of that hit space right so one thing that I always I tell people when you want to engage plane bpm for the first time I highly recommend that you get a professional dime. You get a facilitator but no matter who you choose to you work with for your first time or whoever you choose to work with in general you WanNa make sure that it is ethical which means that they're practicing that safe sane and consensual and more information about my services in videos and more things to tantalize. You are all available on my social media. Wow all from memory a- and you're you're a natural performer beg you to perform for US leaders some of your parodies. Yes six positive parodies so that's the Petra cuccia style I love the I love the style of presenting a story in the bet six and a half minutes and of course really appreciate the content. I mean back off because I can see that. Brendan's eyes are full of question is I just I feel for more right now. I don't know I'm kind of they taste better. When you melt the marshmallow one Sean I mean the goal is not to burn the flesh. That's right. There's a safe way to do that. That's another thing about media. Stephen King is like I say that but I also know how to do that. and you don't ever want to a practice something. You don't ever want to try things that you don't know that you don't know how to do and you WanNa. Let your submissive no. Hey I've never done this before. I watched a youtube. We're we'RE GONNA. Give it a try. If you WANNA give it a try but I also highly recommend that you get like training. There are other dumps who know how to do this. Who who's quote unquote mistakes aches or quote unquote troubleshooting that you can learn from them so that way you don't make those same actions especially when you're talking about anything that could be physically damaging to the body and it's interesting because in the kink world in the world obedience 'em sex we often see the sex acts themselves as higher risk but in fact because of the safe safe sane consensual awareness because most people are going and taking classes because if you're doing this in a dungeon there's a safety monitor their the risk of physical harm and Amina say this anecdotally as opposed to database because I don't have the data. We don't have the data known studying. The risk is probably lower lower because there is so much conversation there's negotiation. There's constant verbal or visual check INS. You've discussed what you're safe. Word receive signal may be and then the after care so I wanna go back to the setting on fire because people are probably wondering what that is and you covered a lot of ground and I think it's easy for certain topics to be glossed over but I wanna ask you about setting on. What is the what is fire play. How do you practice practices safely so fire play. is is a form of edge play and all effort plays are pleased that we deem quote unquote like more dangerous than like a spanking talking right so fire play is something that I've been working on the basically use kind of a like a flammable lubricant that is body safe and gives you a lot of like the flash of the fire but you also are paying attention to what you're doing so that way you don't set this person on fire and you don't burn them or cause them bodily harm because that is not the goal the goal is because it's fun to look at so the lube or the the liquid that you're using is flammable your lighting that add on fire as opposed to skin yes so there's a barrier between the fire and the skin in your setting the lubricant on fire as opposed to the skin. You're also paying attention to like where this person's hair is because I in particular play with a lot of black girls who wear a lot of synthetic hair which is very flammable so you're paying attention to where they're Harry's. You're paying attention to who were their clothing is.

00:15:01 - 00:20:01

You're paying attention to do. I have water fire extinguisher. The thing about edge plays that you always WanNa have your your tools in case shit goes wrong wrong right there so I wanNA have my pitcher of water. I want to have a fire extinguisher. I also want to have a buddy a partner there who can see the whole scene because sometimes when you're in it you can only only see what you're doing right then and there as opposed to all of the surroundings that are happening as well so It's definitely something that you have to learn. It's not something that I would just attempt to do for your first time I would try to dungeon and find a dungeon master. Dom who has experienced in this but the goal is not to set anybody on and fire to burn them. It's the visual aspect that especially if you like playing with fire if you're a pyromaniac I am and it's something that you can definitely lately like visually enjoy getting off on and then you can make snacks. When I went to training in a dungeon many many years ago they asked for volunteers but there were too many volunteers so I've never actually been set on fire but one thing I observed was there was a marshall somebody for safety. who was holding a fire blanket just in case now? Is there the opportunity unity here for me to get set on fire in the dungeon downstairs. I don't have my fire. Setting materials. Also don't know this was I just came back from dungeon master training and it wasn't explicitly said that I couldn't sets over in on fire but I also didn't bring the things to sits on fire. So you know I might do a google. Search in C- Customs looks like when you're going through to get here what what have you got your stuff to put me. I love traveling with with all my in Bedia some stuff so. TSA pulls my bag almost every single time because like especially like my sloggers my canes my crops ops my My electro on those things are expensive in you know I will. I will hold onto them so they always stop me in this this time around they stop me because I too many dicks in my bag. I believe any bagged. Dick like option so I have three Dixon back currently they stopped me too many in my bag and then he also stopped me for my my electro on and like pulled out the electric one. I was like what is this man was was like Oh. It's a it's an electro play thing electric play. I was like yeah. I'm a professional dominatrix. I'd like to shop with my electra one and he like pulled it out initially and then I heard me say like kinky sex stuff and then my put it down like it was going to explode and then like move onto the next thing that lit up on their computer screens and it was my bag addicts like hold it up up and I was like Oh that's my bag of dicks. He was like okay. Let's stop right. There because people are curious. Let's not pretend like that person. Randomly police stopped you like I get it through stuff in your in your bag that set off the sensors but ultimately people are interested in this stuff and I think that they're curious but they don't know how to go. Go about starting it so that was actually one of my questions so you started by handcuffing your partner. You're wanting to get like when you're younger and so that Pique some interest but where did you go from there. If you don't mind me asking what was the next step because you're not lighting people on fire after a youtube partner that was fine. Let me lay John Fire. What was step number two after you realized you'd like I think that it was really seeing it on like toxics with through talk sex with sue and seeing it on real sex seeing that people were doing this other kind of thing and like even having that Karma Suture I think the next thing was like let's try all these new different positions and then it turned into? I really liked speaking people which is just like something I can do with my hand and just impact play with your Buckeye anything and as you I think once you like open that door you can go as far into the world. Is You want to go so I think handcuffs bondage. Sundhage was easy because I was easily accessible but that was like the opening of the door and then just seeing stuff on TV reading stuff in like cosmo like that really started to like like piqued my interest and then I started to go out and find more things. There's so many jokes have wanted to opening the door far. You're going to go but so so so yeah so we've done that. That's step number two and then step number three. Would you say it sounds to me like going to dungeon or going to a place a safe space uh-huh were you can see it in real life. Would that be like the natural progression because you must at some point. I realized I really like this from step number one. You're kind of ood so this is this is doing it for me and number two is like yeah. This is really doing it for me and is that when you're kind of like let's see what this entails is that how some of these new experiences started coming up though because you went to dungeon and somebody's like I'm doing bondage and then I'm doing fire play and you see all of that and then you get to start to experience it. Yeah I think for me.

00:20:01 - 00:25:04

I definitely started off in the realm of sexuality education so I was like I just WanNa teach you how to put on condoms and how not to make babies and you know HIV HIV. There's a way to prevent your okay if you get it as well kind of thing and through education starting to talk to more people started getting asked a like a lot of questions about Cancun Bedia Sim it just didn't have the answers to and compared to like a lot of my peers. He went to my first play party. Maybe like five years ago so I am like. I tell people that they're like Oh. I've been going like sixteen like it. When I was sixteen I met sue like so that you know like everyone has their own own kind of branching point but I definitely think that there's no real like path. It's definitely one of those once you see it. You know you can be it kind of thing but I think that even if you have a little bit of interest like I take people to play parties and I'd say people like sex clubs like I'll be like your sex club buddy so that way I am. I'm like hold your hand and explain things to you so you don't feel alone. You don't have to do anything you can go do something if you want to to like as that safe person to Kinda like guide people through like a sex club or like a play party kind of thing but I also feel like there's a lot of gangsters that aren't going to go to a play party right. They're just gonNA kinky in their own bedrooms. It may not be something that they WANNA do out in the real world and I think that traveling down that avenue was really like just being exposed to. It's just following people people on their social media watching ethical porn on your computer like I don't think that there is I wouldn't chronological it into like step one step two step three. I think that people kinda jump on the path when they do in once you look for more you start to find more. I appreciate that I appreciate that. It's not always linear that you know you're you're an educator and you were a late bloomer in this respect now. Do you differentiate between kink in the bedroom and kink in the daily lifestyle so you talked for example about people who maybe maybe act in a submissive or slave like roll all day long versus people who just do it in bed. Do you have a differentiation there and any observations between kink in the bedroom versus kink in your life for sure. I definitely think that for me when I first got into the world of like can be assume that was a part of like my sex right so king king can beat the assembles like four play and then we would have sex afterwards in like as a professional dumb have to separate sex from that kingpin that beatty assume simply because I'm not gonNA have sex with all my clients right so for me there there was that situation in like learning how to separate kink from sex and learning how to exist purely kinky space and how to like give myself permission to allow like sex and sexuality to dance in that space as well and then also for like full-time like a fulltime Bedia semi small especially that power exchange between Mike slaving slave master and like having submissive so I've I have never had like a full-time slave. I've never had a person at my Beck and call all the time mostly because that's a lot of energy and that's a lot of work to have have a full-time slave that you are responsible for and you have to like direct with because like your slave can't breathe them as you give them permission the kind of breathe. I think people would think that oh it'd be great to have someone as you said in your presentation to do my laundry but in fact the responsibility falls on both parties in an active role yes yes yes yes so like I've had maybe like submissive who will be like a rope bunny for me that like I practice my robot John and like they compensate me in tying them up and like practice practicing those skills on them. Maybe they clean the house and then like but they're only here like once a week kind of thing whereas like a fulltime submissive like a person who's like just speaking from some. I'm like my mentors. I know who have full-time missives -tection you when they wake up texting you to say what should I wear today. which should I eat right now now that I think that that can probably be the very extreme kind of dominant submissive kind of relationship but even just the act of like having somebody work like an event that I'm doing like I need volunteers submissive to be here for this event that still like a lot of responsibility that I have and that's a lot of responsibility that that submissive has as well else for me to be able to be like an easy to do boom boom and I need to like check on you? Make sure 'cause that's like the point of having a subway especially. If you have a sub who gets off Ryan Brian I just got done reading short story about a submissive or like they were in a relationship but one was more dominant almost missive and every time the submissive cooked they were a great cook but like the Dom would be like Oh my goddess foods horrible and he like Cain her that was just like their role play. That's just some things that they would do kind of thing right but like even kind of that dynamic on the regular sometimes especially since I do so much like I'm not like in a I want to. Dom You right now all the time anyway I'll meet like a lot of people who know me from social media who will be like oh well like I met you.

00:25:04 - 00:30:47

You were like real chiller like real calm and you weren't like barking orders at me like not what I expected takes so much energy. You've never told me what to do. Yeah cast is still young. What about if you don't mind me asking about your or you being like having clients what what might somebody who has who's a professional dom what that might might they earn per hour. How does that work. like. What's what's. The Rain Hang on. How much money did you bring the eighteen dollars in his pocket or else curious. I'm so one of the ways that like I do like my pricing and my scaling is a kind of dictate like how much is my time worth per minute especially. If you're a new person you're not going to book an hour long session with me. You'RE GONNA tap out Lum for this hour's hours over or we're going to not be able to explore something so fully so for for new clients and so usually recommend like a thirty minute session in the first ten fifteen minutes of that sessions. We're talk. We're GONNA explore what you what you're looking for. What it is that you want and then we'll have like like a little bit of a taste for you to be able to be like okay. This might be something that I like so that way you can then this book another like full kind of session so based on like what I see I see a Lotta dumps who charged maybe like two dollars to five dollars a minute and then you kind of branch in scale it off of that way but that entire time is the our initial conversation where I'm GonNa lay down what we're GONNA do. I'm GONNA lay down your safe. Words GonNa lay down what you need for after care the seed and the after care and then depending on the kind of client that I have because I have clients. It'll be like super submissive that I'll be like okay now. You need to clean up everything all of that needs to happen. Within whatever chunk of time that it is that you've scheduled when someone books with you and their brand new to this world what are the questions you ask them in that initial session so that you can better understand there needs for sure so a lot of the clients that are a lot of the clients that have and a lot of the clients that I'm really interested in working with survivors of trauma survivors intimate partner trauma or sexual violence and I feel I can media some such a useful tool for that population because there's so much consent there's so much conversation and there's after after care that takes place afterwards also when you're a survivor trauma when you're survivor of violence. Your body gets rewired so some of the things that may get someone who may out of experience violence off is not going to be enough or is not going to create enough of of a dynamic needed for a person who has been survivor of trauma so so with those clients in particular actually with all my clients. I kind of asked what it is they're looking for. I WanNa know what you know about. Can Media Sim what you've learned about it. I WANNA WANNA know what you're interested in. I get a lot of clients who have been like why saw video on porn hub last night. I really WANNA try that. I'll be like okay how how much experience you have with this thing. Like how much experience do you have with flogging or with caning. What is it that you're hoping to experience. Are you just trying to be more into your body. Are you just trying to like the side of your personality. Are you just looking to see what this is all about because everybody keeps talking about him. I also want to know if you have any injuries. He's if there's if you have any joint issues or any mobility issues because if you're interested in bondage that's going to dictate how I'm able to tie you up depending on if you have any bodily injuries. I'm also WANNA know if there's any boundaries that you have in your body. Is there any place that you don't want me to touch you. Is there any place that you do me to touch you and then also just knowing kind of any of that like background information especially if they're survivor of trauma select. What are your triggers. What not necessarily like what happened. You don't have to give me all that information but if for some reason like you don't want anything tight around your waist like I need that bit of information that you can't tie anything up around my waist or like I really liked the idea of like sensory deprivation but you can't put a blindfold army. I'll just keep my eyes close kind of thing so and that's like the the negotiation pack factor of it as well well as being able to be like what is your goal that you're trying to achieve and then how can we work together for you to achieve that goal and a lot of people especially a lot of people who don't practice ethical ethical Bedia symphony. Dom supposedly being control like I tell you what to do when to do and how to do it but don't really have. We don't have any control. We are merely. Li like leading the scene but I can only do what you're okay with doing. In if I don't have someone who trusts me enough to cement because that first conversation is all about building trust and and making sure that you know that I am here for you and I'm only going to do the things within the scope of what she said is okay so the submissive that have all the power I get it to where you know the leather but y'all have all the power so it's interesting that people who have dealt with trauma are coming to you and probably because you're trauma informed informed and have become known for that and I also think it's important to just remind people that you know most people enjoy some component of sex of Kinky sex and this is not not necessarily a result of abuse so when you look at the research it continues to confirm that for instance a history of childhood abuse is no higher within the kink communities because because a lot of people and fifty shades of Grey have conflicted though the two right I'm indicate because of abuse and that's not to say that can't can't cannot be an outlet through which you overcome or move move through that trauma but it's not necessarily related yeah.

00:30:47 - 00:35:01

There's no direct correlation. Yeah No. I think it's fascinating because it's the opposite of what I think a lot of people would assume that if you're going to as you're getting into the DSM that you certainly wouldn't be going there if you've been subjected to some sort of abuse whereas yeah it makes perfect sense that you're working within the boundaries foundries that I'm comfortable with so ultimately the sub is the one in control. I don't know why I hadn't ever really thought about it like that. But it's fascinating so you're leading a scene and how do you come up with the scenes with the the person that you're working with. Fisher so it's a combination of persons persons. It's my chair and Mike Okay. What do you WANNA do today. Anything like you know last time you were here you really into suspension. We had a lot of fun. You know tying up positions in which you are on all fours. Is that something thing that you want to continue with today or maybe are you interested in some impact play or some breath play or I don't know some might cleaning like. Do you want me sit on your face today today. Like what is it that you're interested in doing today and then also looking at like okay. How much time do we have to do this thing and then also looking at no. Those are the main two things I usually go with. What are you GONNA do. And how much time do we have to do it with. New People who come in I have to be the one to be like okay. They like these are all of the different things that I know. Here's my my Kinky. See choose something that interests you or even being like you know what if some Kinky bedia awesome things that you've seen on TV that you might WanNa come in and reenact today and then also paying attention to okay so you want to do a scene where you're tied up any want to we tied up laying on your back on your stomach like so many questions and like have people who come in the first time. It'll be like wow I didn't know so much. It's like yeah. It's basically like ordering a subway sandwich. What kind bread do you kind of meet. The you won't kind of she kind of thing so that we can fully break it down and then it's up to me to make sure that I can open the scene close the scene and do that the after care in that allotted amount of time it sounds as though there is just as much talking about sex or talking about the scene in terms of time as actually playing out in that make sense and if we could approach all types of sex including vanilla sex with the same care the same preparation the same check ins the same follow-through. We'd all be be better off and I think that's a good reminder that even if you're not kinky or you don't feel that this is your can't but it's okay we all need a little bit more communication and to really take time mm to better understand because there's no default setting kinky people what one can keep person wants another person consider vanilla another person would consider repugnant and the same applies for Bonello folks so vanilla folks. I love when people come in especially like when I get a new partner who will be like well. I have a new part. He'll be like I expected you to want to do like all of this outrageous stuff on our first date and you're actually just like real chills like yeah like like vanilla sex especially when people come to me and they're like I'm not kinky. I'm Vanilla Vanilla. Sex is so important especially when I have couples who are interested in engaging in king can be awesome for the first time like it's Kinda like getting a tattoo like one just doesn't walk in and get a full sleeve in one day. That doesn't just happen like you're not just. GonNa come up to me and be like okay now. I'M GONNA send you out with the tools how to like to set your partner on fire after our first consultation like vanilla sex is so important because Kim can bedia simmons like additional toppings. It's like it's like rocky road ice cream but if you don't have like really good tasty solid vanilla then Iraqi wrote a shitty vanilla would a bunch of shit in it like no one wants is that you want really good tasty foundational vanilla then he wanNA start to throw in those sprinkles and the pop rocks and the gummy worms and all the things but you need a good vanilla base and I tell people that they're like. Whoa so we can just like we don't have to just like jump into the deep end. It's like no like next time you like in the kitchen itchen tap they booty. That's Kinky like if you WANNA have sex on the stairs that's Kinky you ever had sex in the car. That's Kinky so people think that like when they think about they they mostly think about edge.

00:35:01 - 00:37:01

Play that peeing on somebody. You're setting someone on fire choking somebody. Those are all outrageous extreme things. I don't do though so I'm the Nila but it's like my I also know for like a fact that you liked to expect your partner with a belt. That's Kinky getting out of this idea that like Vanilla is somehow wrong or that. Kink is like only the extremes. I think people are going to want to learn a whole lot more about this rocky road and you share tidbits on your instagram honestly. Nay yes NASA's N. A. E. So folks you can check out more. They're tons of great information before you go. I want you to lead us out with one of your parodies. Can you describe it better than me yeah so I write sex positive parodies so I take like mainstream songs and then I give them a sexy twist in yeah so like any other parody that she might even my all. My parodies like sex related can you can you send us out with one sure so this is an expert from you you do it right which I wrote for. Masturbation may last year to Bruno Mars is that's what I like but it's I got my water based base. Lubricant Silicone based lubricant about to do something that comes with also many benefits that keeps you happy makes you feel better and puts you to sleep can check yo attitude research. Oh My bucer you can think and people try to tell you that you shouldn't do it but it ain't they business pleasure boo pursue Zuid. You're worth it. You deserve entitled to it. It's you're right. I ain't gonNA judge it if you do it every day and night. Thank you so much and thank you for listening folks. Make sure you follow along. Thank you to at desire experience. Check them out. We'll be back next Friday and every Friday with a whole new episode. You'd think you're listening to the sex with Dr Jasser podcast. Improve your sex life breath improve your life.